I was supposed to have two assessment appointments with a psychologist at Dr. Grays, Elgin (via video call), after filling out a lot of forms. I hoped I would get the help I desperately need. Before the second appointment, however (which I understood would be more talking about my needs), it felt like they had already made up their mind, and I didn't get any help or support.
I have complex mental health problems, and needs. The most severe of these is emetophobia, which has ruined my life completely and I think will, if not dealt with, kill me. It is a severe phobia.
The way I was dealt with made me decide, right there and then, during the appointment, to kill myself. It felt utterly heartless, zero compassion whatsoever.
The psychologist said something so painfully awful at the end, along the lines of wishing me luck for the future. I was, from the time I'd realised I was not getting the help I needed, absolutely distraught, I was crying and sobbing, I'd started panicking, I couldn't breathe, I was in visible distress and clawing at myself.
Immediately the call ended, I attempted suicide.Someone from the university knew something was wrong, and called an ambulance, which attended. I was taken to A&E, where I was dealt with insensitively. The nurse in A&E was rather rough when cleaning my arms, and it felt like they were fed up with me. There was zero kindness or compassion shown, and I wish now, writing this, that I'd died rather than having to experience this whole horrible thing and remember it.
Thinking about the appointment with the psychologist and the fact I was not given any help, I want to kill myself. I'm struggling every minute of every day. I can't carry on living with this phobia, I'm so desperate for help, but everyone denies me. It's unbearable.
All that happened at A&E after looking at my arms was they sent me to wait (a suicidal autistic person with a fear of hospitals and uneasy around noises, was left unattended) to see a psychiatric nurse, who referred me to Penumbra. I was then sent home but obviously that was difficult as I'd been taken there by ambulance. It was such a listless response.I have a long history of me trying to access support and being denied, including presenting at A&E while suicidal.
The guy I live with complained to the department. They investigated and then replied saying everything was fine.
Some time after this, I was sent a beyond insensitive letter with 'help' that was so wildly inappropriate it caused me to spiral again. I had to burn the letter, I couldn't cope with it, and still can't think about it.
"I am not getting the help I need"
Posted by rainby (as ),