"My continued Mental Health struggle"

This is a follow on story from my last story, as nothing has changed, if anything much has gotten worse.

I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and bouts of mania for the last 6 years that have been documented and to a far lesser degree in the years prior to that. In the last 2 years, I have been told by CPN's that, I am under 30, I am very articulate, I am well-read. I have had a CPN tell me on the phone whilst experience symptoms of psychotic depression suggest that I go for a bath and light candles at an appointment that was supposed to be a 2nd opinion appointment but was actually the staff member again. It was also suggested to my girlfriend that I need to take responsibility and contact Samaritans and that I shouldn't be putting her through all this, like I choose to be the way I am.

I then eventually received a legitimate 2nd opinion appointment, which I didn't feel I could attend as it was via webcam and I have somewhat of an anxiety to going on camera and being recorded. I asked for alternatives and was told no. After some time I got a 2nd opinion appointment and finally got to see another psychiatrist, for them just to uphold word for word what the previous had said. Them seeming to gloss over my suicide attempt, my mania and just pinned it all on anxiety when I disagreed and asked for more than just CBT which is all I've been offered for 4 years, they didn't offer any further help, much as they have for the last 4-5 years. I have been told I am too clever to be bipolar, which really offends me, having had family members who had it who were extremely clever.

I was told over the phone when I called to speak to the on-duty CPN about my treatment by the mental health team that they couldn't do anything and couldn't change what had been said by the psychiatrists. They also said they weren't able to diagnose anything, however in the same phone call told me that it isn't bipolar disorder. I mean what is it? They can or can't diagnose it?

I was checked by the psychiatrist at my 2nd opinion appointment as I expressed that I was sick of the treatment I felt I had been receiving from them, they then ended the appointment, and refused to talk to my partner in regards to my deteriorating mental health. I was told by the health and social care partnership to phone and tell them what I need and insist on help but was told they can't do a thing.

I have been made to feel that because I may or not be intelligent, and that I can sometimes articulate myself that I am somehow not able to be bipolar or anything other than depressed and anxious, I find this to be insulting to anyone that has a diagnosis of the illness and other people that are on the spectrum. The fact this is a viewpoint I've seen perpetuated by a fair few of the professionals I have spoken to is really rather distressing. They can tell me these last few years what my diagnosis isn't, but have no clue as to what it is, I'd ask that they stop focusing on what is not and start focusing on what is then.

I have complained by other means, but I am also writing this as I hope local government and others can see this as I am truly at the end of my rope and am fighting tooth and nail to see the good in life, but this is far more distressing trying to get help than I ever thought it could be. If a patient like me with extreme anxiety, and mood swings for lack of a better term can't engage in CBT surely there are other routes? Rather than to be left languishing. my mania has subsided as I have been put on medication by my GP, the psychiatrist once said because it didn't work in my early twenties that was a sign I wasn't bipolar? Well 4 years later it seems to be helping to a degree so why are they not reversing their logic?

I write this whilst I can before I experience more of a dip in mood. I feel I have to write these thoughts before I go back under again.