"My birth story"

I went into labour so headed up to triage - every member of staff was amazing and so reassuring. My c-section experience was also amazing - again all staff being so amazing and reassuring especially due to my severe anxiety issues. The following day after my sons birth was as expected very difficult pain wise due to having disability that effect my mobility anyways.

It's because of one day of my stay that my experience has left me unable to speak about my time in hospital. What should have been a loving and memorable moment to share, a member of staff made me doubt myself as a new mum.  The previous evening, a student midwife offered to take my son during the night to let me get some rest which I appreciated so so much. Especially as one of my disability includes chronic fatigue. 

In the morning the student midwife brought my son back through and he got very upset - I still wasn’t very mobile so therefore I got very upset as it was quite distressing seeing my baby boy screaming and I couldn’t get to him. Another staff member then came over to my bed and very rudely told me that they didn’t know why I was crying, that I was very lucky that someone had him overnight and that they were going to speak to doctors as it felt like I didn’t want to care for my son. This brought on a huge panic attack for me... I asked if anyone was available to talk to me to help me calm down and was told that everyone was too busy (which I do appreciate) that I had to just get on with it. I was terrified that this person was going to suggest my baby being taken away from me. During the two hour slot for my partner to come in the same staff member returned as she wanted to talk to my partner about my mental health. My partner reiterated that due to my anxiety and fatigue I get tired and sore very easily and that the best thing for me would be to go home as I had a huge support network ready to help us. Once again this staff member repeated that they were concerned over my mental health in a room with 3 other mums and continued to ask my partner if he felt I could care for my son - he answered no purely for the fact that due to my mobility issues after having a section. Now it’s very easy to hear what each other are being told - I was mortified once again. We had an agreement that as long as I was seen doing things independently, which was very difficult for me, I would be allowed to go home. So I had to push through to do it so that this person would agree to let me home. By the end of the day they were being helpful, but the morning time was just horrible. 

I’m currently going through counseling as throughout my pregnancy I wasn’t on any anti-depressants as they made me poorly and the main subject of my counseling is my post-partum period. 

My little boy is absolutely thriving and is doing amazing. The only reason I feel ready to leave my feedback as to what happened to me is I now believe that I’ve always been a good mum. One staff member's words are irrelevant, I realise they have a duty of care however there are kinder and better ways to go about it.

I just hope that it was just that they were having a bad day - although I had a huge support system I cried for the first two weeks of my son's life. It dampened all the memories of my hospital experience. 

I wish they had a better understanding and consideration for those with mental & physical issues.