"Support in a mental health crisis"

I rang the duty worker at my mental health team on Friday afternoon in tears and feeling really overwhelmed and frightened. I was feeling suicidal and hearing loud voices and I asked for some support. I didn’t know the person I spoke to and they basically told me to have a bath and a cup of tea!

Later that night I hurt myself really badly and went to A&E. I spent 8 hours in Resus and had to have a CT scan and medical intervention. The staff were all really supportive and understanding. I was in a lot of distress and they did all that they could to help me

In the morning I saw someone from the Department of Psychiatric Medicine. I usually refuse to see them as I don’t find them very helpful but I knew I needed help and was struggling and not in a good place mentally. I was very honest about how I was feeling and I asked for additional support from the crisis team but the person said that wasn’t available and I should go home and call the crisis team if I needed to. I felt that they hadn’t understood the level of risk and how scared I was about the potential I had to hurt myself in such a way again. I didn’t feel very safe to go home without support in place as I couldn’t trust myself to reach out for help if I needed it

Once home I did ring the crisis team and again was told to have a bath and a cup of tea. Maybe the NHS should invest in bath houses and tea rooms as that seems to be the answer to a lot of mental distress?

I was told to ring back later if I needed to. At 8.30pm I was agitated and unsettled and I rang and left a message for someone to ring me. No one did. 

Unfortunately I got into distress in the early hours of the morning and hurt myself again. I rang the crisis team and was told that no one had picked up my message and they didn’t know I had called. This is the fourth time in a row that I have left a message and there has been no response- it makes you feel really judged when you reach out for help and there isn’t any. Am I just labelled as a ‘PD’ patient or a ‘frequent flyer’ Is there something in my notes to say that the crisis team will not help me?

So now it is the early hours of the morning and I am physically hurt and in distress. I feel suicidal and very alone. I don’t have the energy or capacity to go and get medical help and will probably just try to stay with my distress until the morning where I will try to sort myself out medically. 

Why have an answer phone if you are not going to ring anyone back? Why do some people seem to be offered crisis support when others aren’t? Surely if you are suicidal and in distress there should be support available?