"My Son"

My son was born two months' early, had anxiety as he developed and this worsened considerably when adolescence began. I had suspected ASD and ADHD throughout my son's development but after a developmental assessment when my son was two years' old (where sub-clinical symptoms of ASD and motor difficulties were first observed), my husband and I split up. Sadly, due to the post natal depression I was experiencing, my son's father gained temporary custody but this became permanent because my son was in a routine with his father.  Due to (what we later discovered was his own) mental health, his father stopped me at every turn from trying to help my son. From Dr appointments to trying to help him support our son. Despite trying to get social services' involvement, my son's needs were grossly unmet, so when he began experimenting with cannabis it eventually escalated into the full blown habit, it escalated to other drugs.

 When he came to live with me permanently in 2018, I helped him to refer to local drug services for his drug problems. EDAS incorrectly referred him to Footsteps to Recovery. Nevertheless Footsteps supported him for a while and were effective in building a relationship with him.

 He accessed the Hamardryad CMHT a few months' later when he took a large overdose, fell down a steep flight of stairs in our home and smashed his mouth open.  The appointment came a few weeks' later and we were both hopeful. As his mother and a healthcare worker, I had high hopes. The psychiatrist said it was 'obvious' that my son was suffering from depression.  I explained his premature birth and early and ongoing developmental difficulties and the possible comorbidity of some neurodivergent condition such as ADHD/ASD. He said we should 'wait and see'. He prescribed my son venlafaxine and requested to see him in another two weeks.

At the end of the next appointment, with my son's consent, I explained my concerns about ADHD/ASD again and my thoughts that these conditions and the obsessional traits that come with these are the stumbling block to drug issues. Reluctantly, the psychiatrist agreed for my son to complete an assessment tool. The questionnaires displayed a high indication of ADHD. The psychiatrist said that the possibility of ADHD would be explored in the future along with group support for emotional regulation. The venlafaxine provided my son with some relief. However, the next appointment (a couple of months' later) was at the start of the pandemic. A new psychiatrist had been allocated to my son's case. They phoned once, asked him how he was. My son has a phobia about talking over the phone and simply said that he was 'okay'. At the second appointment, as he was okay, he was discharged. This was July last year.

Over the next few months, my son tried to do new things but couldn't maintain the concentration he needed. His ongoing sense of failure led to his confidence dropping.   There were many episodes of suicidal ideation that he told me about. A couple of times, we had to get the police involved for the sake of his welfare. The ongoing worry of the level of risk my son posed to himself led to my own mental health deteriorating. In the end, desperate, with my son's consent, I paid for a private assessment many hundreds of pounds for ADHD at Harley Street Psychiatrists. He was supposed to have an hour and a half with a psychologist then an hour with a psychiatrist on a different date.

They also did not think it was necessary for my son to have his video on. Two weeks' later when he saw the psychiatrist (who did have his camera on), he was assessed as being 'off the chart' with his symptoms. Taking into account my summary of my son's development, and because the psychiatrist was visually observing my son too, he said he was 99.9% certain that my son has ASD as well. I was grateful that he had offered this observation because I had not mentioned it  I was also grateful that, for the first time, he wasn't being dismissed for his cannabis dependency.

 Treatment was commenced with the private psychiatrist at a cost of a few hundred pounds  per month. However, this was only supposed to be until the start of February when the psychiatrist predicted that my son's care would be referred to his GP for shared care. In the meantime, I supported my son to self-refer again to EDAS. EDAS then put us on to Taith. My son was embarrassed because he felt that his key worker was getting frustrated.  When my partner had brought this up with Taith, he was reallocated another worker, but by that time we felt he had given up hope of ever improving.

Last month when, during my son's appointment with Harley street, the psychiatrist told my partner that he did not know about the cannabis or that my son was on venlafaxine, and that he would never had prescribed concerta if he had known. He said he was to stop the cannabis before transfer to shared care can happen.  Meanwhile, I cannot afford to keep paying every month for a half hour consultation (that lasts fifteen minutes) and a further amount every 28 days; especially when you consider that this is in addition to the £700 per month I already pay in tax and national insurance.

Last night my son told me his days are just dominated by cannabis and he can see no way out. He is seriously weighing up whether life is worth living.  I no longer know what to do and I just want someone who isn't going to make a financial gain from this predicament to help.