"Starting my transition journey"

In the summer of 2019 i approached my gp in regards to being transgender. The initial appointment went well followed by blood being taken and forwarded to the sheffield gis in regard to my referral to which i had chosen as my nearest clinic. I received a letter a few months later asking for my current living status and other details which i promptly filled in and returned to the clinic. When approached by gp i was told it would be a 38 month waiting time before my first appointment. But given the current covid situation this has now increased to 44 months.

This I can understand as the whole country has basically been shut down for most of 2020. The problem i feel a lot of people in my situation have is the lack of any communication after the first letter from the clinic. I can not speak for everyone but i approached my gp about a bridging prescription to help with my deforia and was told that they do not have enough information to do so and i would have to wait to be assessed by the clinic. This has resulted in me feeling forced to self-medicate for the last year without medical help. I have managed to get my deforia under a bit of control but will not be able to self-med for long. And as stated before we get no support from the gis or gps until they decide it is time to assess you and see if you are worthy of help. The guides on line charting things you need to be doing to transition I feel are outdated and discriminate against people who are trying to transition later in life and have grown up in a society that sees them as the person they are not. my situation for example is I am now in my 40's with a wife and children. I have lived my life as a man constantly thinking something was wrong with me, when after researching online I discovered I was trans mtf, i came out to my wife who has been partly supportive in helping me change, but until I have been seen by the GIS and possibly on HRT I do not feel comfortable changing my name (this is not causing any dysphoria) as I have seen reports of people attending the clinics and being refused treatment because they do not tick all the boxes or appear feminine enough. The hassle this would cause having to change it all back if I am refused treatment.

I have bodily diaspora and am trying to be as natural as possible ( why should i have to wear lots of makeup and a dress to be classed as a woman). my name and how people refer to me has never been a problem (even though when someone does refer to me as lady/ love it does make me feel as though i am in a little way passing). Again this comes back to my point that there is no follow-up from the GIS after the first letter they send out and most gps will not step out there comfort zones to help. And people often wonder why people like me decide to self-medicate regardless of the health risks or are willing to self-harm or worse. I feel the NHS needs to reevaluate its trans help and treat people who are seeking their help just like any patient who is seeking help from the NHS.