"My Recovery Journey and two outstanding human beings."

One a Consultant Psychiatrist, the other Senior Manager for Recovery Services. They SAW ME and HEARD ME and what I thought would work. They enabled and empowered me by letting me take control of my own recovery and to make the decisions that I believe are right for me. They support me in making those decisions and they have both walked every step of the way through, at times, some incredibly tough, dark and extremely painful moments. They have never left me. Their care, support, empathy and compassion helped me to built deeply  trusting and meaningful relationships with both.  Those relationships have  been the most important factor in getting me to this point on my recovery journey. People heal within relationships. Not in isolation. 

Yes, I'm a patient with a 'label', but first and foremost I'm a human being, a person, an individual, albeit a very complex one, who just didn't fit in to the traditional ways of working with and treating patients. These two incredible staff members were humble enough and brave enough to  recognise what had been tried over and over in the past  never worked. By adopting a TRULY person centred way of working they reignited the 'glimmer of hope' I'd lost and I started to believe that recovery from severe and enduring mental illness CAN and DOES happen. 'Where there's hope, all things are possible'. We work together as a  TEAM but the difference is they allow me to take control and to lead MY TEAM. 

They make me feel valued and valuable and that I know my self better than anyone and they BELIEVE in me and that I have just as an important role and contribution  to make in my recovery as the professionals. They have taken the time to truly understand me and what works for me and they know when to  challenge and push me and when I need a kick up the backside! They look beyond the challenging and self destructive behaviours and know it's because of WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME in my life that I constantly try to push people away. They recognise the behaviours  are my coping mechanisms and strategies to keep me safe and protect me from further pain and hurt. They stay 'with me' even when I'm refusing to see them and they never walk away. 

When the darkness and pain overwhelms me they come alongside, 'hold me'  and 'sit with me ' in the pain and help me to know I AM NOT ALONE. I know I  have two people who genuinely care and want to help alleviate my intolerable pain and distress. And because of this I've learned to TRUST both and it's okay to be vulnerable and to 'let them in'  because they never judge, they accept all of me, even the parts of me hidden deep inside that I thought no one would ever want to see. 

These are  just a few of the things those  powerful relationships have changed ....

In the past;  I'd multiple  admissions to acute psychiatric wards. I'd been on every drug in the BNF. Two courses of ECT. EMDR and CBT. Now;  I've  been out of hospital for many years. No psychotropic medication for several years. Written articles for the MWC on Care planning, Advance Statements and UNCRPD Article 12.  Made a podcast on Advance Statements. Observed student mental health nurses during their OSCE assessments. Part of the panel for interviewing potential mental health student nurses. Gave two presentations to students accompanied by my Consultant for support as I hate being with lots of people. I think that in itself must have said so much to the students; the value of lived experience being as equally important as professional expertise and the patient being the educator and it is something both acknowledge and promote. 

The past year has been one of the toughest in my life. There have been times when I've wanted to give up, give in and to not want to be here any more. If it wasn't for their unwavering and unstinting support I seriously doubt I'd be here to write this. I know I have a very, very long and painful road ahead of me but I also know I have two amazing people who will continue  to walk with me on my recovery journey .

I will never, ever be able to find the words to thank them both. They have helped me to truly understand the meaning and power of the interaction of human relationships in helping me to heal.

Thank you Dr Holmes and Ms. Wallis from the bottom of my heart. 💜