"Adult Mental Health Service"

I work for the NHS myself and champion the hard work of my colleagues regularly. However, I really feel we all have a responsibility to identify areas for improvement and areas where risk is not managed. I am really disappointed that I cannot in good faith recommend Adult Mental Health Services. I do not feel it is patient centered or safe.

I have accessed different resources within Mental Health and the 3rd Sector in attempts to manage my anxiety and depression, desperately trying to keep myself safe and well. My GP has always been a fantastic support and I do feel certain individuals on my journey have understood me, to an extent, and supported me to explore SOME aspects of my mental health and management strategies. Some of the professionals I have encountered very much appeared to have a one size fits all approach and I really struggled with that. Some professionals made careless throwaway comments which were very damaging. Unfortunately, I do not have the recall of all the names involved in my care but I do prefer to address the service as a whole.

My mind does not work in the same way as most. I struggle to visualise concepts, engage in mindfulness or use ‘grounding’ as so many other factors come into play. In honesty I feel I may present with an Autism Spectrum Disorder also and I am curious as to the different strategies that would be suggested for individuals who have difficulty with imagination, communication, sensory behaviours and rigid thinking alongside their mental health. It becomes nearly impossible to do some of the work suggested and fuels that feeling of ‘failure’ and self-loathing. I feel that some professionals did listen to some of my needs and tried to adapt ideas. However, I honestly feel that this took longer in terms of a therapy process. I feel there are ideas I want to consider but there was no time. But what if considering these with support is what I need?

Time. That became the issue. I had exceeded the agreed amount of sessions. Not agreed by me, that was never mentioned until near the end of my sessions, but agreed by the service somewhere I presume. This is abhorrent to me. Why was I not involved in decision making initially? Why am I still not? I felt like I was told this is what is happening. How can sessions end when I don’t feel equipt to safely manage my own risk? I have taken a nose dive into hell over the Christmas period and on my last session was lying in darkness, breaking my heart in fear of what I might do to myself. In fear of not being aware of who to get help from. I was told to call the Samaritans? I’m trying to manage a risk with the professional support that has been given to me and I felt worthless. How on earth am I meant to contact a complete stranger? Someone who does not know or understand me? It took huge amounts of energy and trust to access all that I have accessed. The thought of engaging with a stranger about anything terrifies me but to call a stranger and bare my soul. I don’t want to firefight. I want to develop a better understanding of myself and be able to manage my risk and the impact of this horror with increasing independence. Not just be left to deal with it because I’ve exceeded the number of sessions decided by the service. I cannot see how this is patient centred or safe. Where is my wellbeing in all of this? What if I did damage that I can’t take back? What if this now makes me lose faith in all the work that has been done or opt out in the future?

I also want to comment on failure to attend. I have always had feedback that I am an individual who engages well and wants to make changes. I think it’s exceptionally important to be patient centred and consider the impact of these difficulties on my ability to always attend a session. Sometimes I literally couldn’t move myself from my bed to the bathroom; yet I am “not engaging” if I missed a session on those days. Language like that again actually made my mental health deteriorate. I’m trying desperately but it’s still not good enough. I know that in my own service we consider each circumstance individually and look at that holistically. I feel so disappointed to have not had the same care, especially in a service where fragility, safety and mental health are at the core.

The services I have accessed are CPN (excellent professional), Psychiatry (difficult professional), Crisis support from various CPNs (very mixed experience) and psychology (nice professional but hugely concerned at the way the service works as described).