"Mental Health"

My story starts 55 years ago when I was at a ruthless public school as a 10 year old who could not understand why I was thousands of miles away from my parents with no-one to turn to. I ran away on several occasions but was just returned there time and time again with no-one attempting to help save me from the bullying and beatings.

I joined the Royal Marines School of Music after deliberately failing all my O levels and then a downward spiral started of alcohol abuse and self destruction. After incidents that happened as a fighting Royal Marine, the Establishment, at the time could not deal with my problems and I left.

Following a short time on civvy street, I tried again, this time joining HM Grenadier Guards corps of drums. Unfortunately, again after stints as a fighting soldier, I was unable to cope and again there was no-one to help or understand my situation.

After leaving the Army, I had numerous jobs on civvy street and got married, having 2 sons but my problems with the alcohol and drugs took hold, leading to numerous admissions to mental hospitals to dry out. Following this, in 1988, I was attacked leaving me paraplegic and various other physical and mental problems trying to deal with the attack.

I eventually did fight back with the help of my wife and sons and even with my physical disabilities gained employment with Sainsburys for over 18 years. Something happened at work in January 2018, in the space of 3 minutes, that left me so traumatised that I had a complete breakdown, leaving me unable to speak, to go out and even considered suicide.

This time, however, my GP realised that there was more to my mental state than what had just happened. She referred me to a Psychiatrist who realised that I was suffering from PTSD and had been doing so for over 35 years. By chance, the Psychiatrist had attended a conference the day before with The Veterans Mental Health Service and he provided my wife and I with all the details so that I could self refer and he did so as well. Within a couple of weeks I had been assessed by the Veterans Mental Health Team and placed on the Lightbulb Course. Finally after 50 years someone understood what I was going through and was helping.

Now, 18 months down the line, I am having ongoing treatment fortnightly with Dr Hayley by video link and the other week I speak to Louise, my Mental Health nurse - all of which fully supported by my GP. I know that there is still a long way to go, but what I would like to say is that without the help I have had and am still receiving from the Veterans Mental Health Team, I would not be here today. For the first time in over 50 years, I am beginning to look forward rather than back and understanding my problems.