"A recent gynaecology appointment"

I've been unwell for 18 months. I wrote out almost 3000 words about the whole story but had to condense for the word count.

In late December 2020 I had an appointment with gynaecology. After my appointment, I wrote out everything that happened, so I wouldn't forget.

The staff member was really rude from the start, and I started crying within five minutes – they kept interrupting me and within our first few minutes of conversation, told me that most of the time, with pain in women, we never really find out the cause. I thought then, that there wasn't really an interest in finding out what was wrong.

After being asked to describe my symptoms, they kept interrupting and did not pay attention to answers, and I would have to bring them up again. I didn't even get to tell them all - they seemed too busy trying to rush me out of the door.

When I started crying, they didn't even notice at first. Then looked around the room, and handed me a paper towel from the sink, despite the tissues sitting on the desk. If I had been asked why I was crying, I would've explained that I have been in pain and nausea for 18 months and felt that no-one wanted to help. But I wasn't asked.

I was asked if I would take the pill. I explained why I wouldn't. The doctor got exasperated; asking what else I wanted, as this was all I could be offered. This was before I had even been examined.

When it came time to examine me, the curtains were closed for me to get changed, but hadn't even fully been pulled round – I was in full view of an open window with its blinds pulled up. I had to close it.

When I lay back on the table, I was sobbing. The assistant who was there patted me, empathising that the speculum was a horrible thing. I explained that I had actually had this twice before, and it wasn't the problem.

I was then asked about the mental illnesses I had mentioned, and asked if I was seeing anyone about it. I didn't feel comfortable telling this person anything, especially with the lack of sympathy that had been shown. It was then suggested I go back to therapy – that it would be making all of this seem worse than it is, when, in fact, the symptoms I get are so bad it makes me more anxious, rather than vice versa. I have learned to tell the difference.

The examination started. They pressed down hard on my stomach; I've had this before from my GP, where they would ask me to tell them when it hurt. On this occasion they didn't – although it hurt.

When the doctor checked inside me, it was the normal type of pain that I had already experienced from the speculum, but they were not kind/reassuring; did not explain what was being done or when, unlike my previous experiences. Just kept telling me to take deep breaths.

Then took the speculum out and said they were going to check inside of me using fingers. Again pressed down on my stomach and sides, whilst examining me internally with fingers; the movements were rough, painful, and they didn't check in with me (but if they had, I would have explained how much pain I felt). Although I understand that this was an examination, I felt violated – as the procedure and the reason for it was not explained.  It was awful – I don't know if they could tell by my reactions or not that it was hurting me, but they certainly didn't ask.  At one point, I was impatiently told to "keep breathing!" and that holding my breath wouldn't help.

Any question I'd asked previously was shot down without any consideration, or treated with exasperation or impatience. Hence why I didn't fully explain the situation – I got the impression that this staff member just wanted rid of me.

When I was sitting back at the desk, I was offered the pill again. I said I didn't want it and it was explained that the only other thing they could offer was a laparoscopy but that they did not want to give me this invasive procedure when they should be treating the endometriosis with hormone pills anyway, as well as the fact that they didn't believe I have endometriosis. I got the impression I would not be allowed to leave the room without them.

I said I would like to discuss it with my GP. They seemed content with this, and explained that in their opinion it is a bowel issue over anything else (I have no specific bowel issues – however, on reflection, my GP offered this as an option at the beginning); it was suggested I see a dietician too.

I went home and cried for hours, feeling completely disregarded and left with no way forward. I know I am not alone in believing that there is a gender bias in healthcare, and women are not believed – especially when it comes to pain and sickness. I knew this before I experienced it at this appointment but didn't expect it to be so harsh – it only took a few minutes for this doctor to decide that we wouldn't find out the cause of my pain and sickness. I also wish I hadn't mentioned my mental health – it's easy to blame it on that.

I've been very conflicted on coming forward with this. I spoke to someone I know – a nurse of 30 years within the NHS – who was gobsmacked at my experience and urged me to write here. 

I'd like to make it known that I'm grateful for the NHS – I don't know where I'd be without free healthcare. But if this is how we treat young women who are in daily pain and sickness, there needs to be a serious change, especially from people who work within the NHS and more than likely will have treated many more women than just me in this manner.