"The Golden Ticket"

I would like to encourage those out there that may struggle with alcohol dependence. Or feel they drink too much. I have been alcohol dependent for the last four years. But am now, thanks to acknowledging that it was a problem and getting the help I needed, 15 days dry. Most won’t have even noticed I had a problem but I was good at hiding it!

How it started?

One night four years ago I had a seizure whilst in bed. It gripped me like a vice. My body was shaking yet I was conscious of what was happening. I immediately got tinnitus. A very loud ringing in my ear which I still have to this day. I didn’t know how to cope and after six months of heavy depression and panic attacks I reached for the bottle. 

At this point I hadn’t drank for 10 years. At first the wine was to me medicinal and helped for a while but soon my drinking became the main problem and after years of abuse, 30units a night, my liver was starting to struggle. Then 2020 came around and the almost total lockdown and loss of jobs drove me deeper into dependence.

As the year set in I started to make new decision’s for my future, building my career and focusing on what I enjoy. But in order to reach my full potential and be around to see the results I knew I had to face my fears.

I reached out to change grow live in Nottingham and joined their weekly zoom meetings. I was told after blood samples and an assessment that if I could lower my intake to 15 units a day for an extended time I could be considered for a monitored home medical detox. (Normally it would only happen in rehab)

This was a golden ticket for me and it’s the best thing I have ever done. It’s not been easy and I had to want it 100% which I did and still do. I still attend the zoom groups and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. The team that helped me were and are incredible people. From Kerry the nurse calling me everyday, to Rachel my support worker who talked and walked me through the process, to Dean who selflessly administered the zoom meetings each week and to John who travels to my home to encourage me and check I’m on track. I thank you all!

I still have thoughts and maybe always will, but thoughts don’t kill you but alcohol dependence will.

Anyway all that to say whatever you may be struggling with please please please do not keep it to yourself. There are professional people out there that can and will help if you want it.

I wish you all a happy, healthy Christmas and a prosperous new year.