"Bad experience with the Crisis Team"

Unfortunately this is not the first time I have had a bad experience with the crisis team. On the plus side I have had some more helpful and caring responses than in the past.

In my notes it says I find it difficult talking on the phone and I have been allowed some face to face appointments. My health has deteriorated due to a change in medication, and while I settle into my new meds some of the nursing team have been very sensitive and helpful and caring. 

On the negative side I have encountered the same member of staff who has been rude, hostile and extremely insensitive in the past. I have been advised by my GP, counsellor, Mind advisors and other people working with me to contact the crisis team when I am struggling. This particular staff member tells me I have taken up too much time, am not really going through a crisis and shouldn’t be ringing the team. It doesn’t matter if I’m having harmful or distressing thoughts it seems, as I have the capacity to chose whether to harm myself or not. As in the past, after speaking with this person I chose to.

After feeling as humiliated, insignificant, worthless as they make me feel, I was left feeling I had no other option. I may not be in a crisis in their opinion, but for the third time in three days I did hurt myself. If this person can make me feel that bad about myself, I would rather suffer pain from myself than give them the satisfaction of hurting me. 

I don't think this person should be allowed to work with vulnerable people. They have shown me no warmth, compassion, or sensitivity. They act like they know that I don’t deserve help when other people, including the crisis team psychiatrist, are telling me to ring them. I have found our interactions harmful and people struggling just to stay alive deserve much more care than this person has offered me.

I daren’t ring again in case this member of staff answers and I never want to speak to them, or have them make me feel as small and pathetic and humiliated ever again. I’d rather keep hurting myself. 

Please take this seriously before either I, or someone else, can’t take anymore.