"Referral to paediatrician/ similar to help my daughter"

I want to scream at the top of my voice, "Help my child before its too late again!".

I feel like I am re-living a life I have previously been through before. I have my oldest daughter who struggled all her life to get help with cognitive function and school. She is 29 yrs of age and has memory recall difficulties (diagnosed), but this aside she cant spell or write a sentence. She now finds it hard to socialise, struggles with anxiety and very low confidence in social situations, in my opinion as her mother she has signs of dyslexia and attention deficit disorder. If I refer to my daughter from now on it is about my 12 yr old daughter.

So from an early age I recognised symptoms in her, symptoms I had seen and experienced before. She has always had incontinence issues and still has, she gets embarrassed. She cant control her bladder, if she is distracted she doesn't recognise that her body is telling her to go to the toilet. She has very poor memory. I can ask her to do a task and break it down for her like I had previously learnt to do. "Go up the stairs and in the bottom of the cupboard bring me down a blue cardigan." I then get her to repeat this back to me so I know she understood the instruction. She will immediately read it back sometimes correct sometimes we have to go over it again to ensure its in her head. She will then get half way up the stairs and you hear "where is it again?" So we go over it. She gets to the cupboard and she will say I cant see a blue cardigan. Its on the bottom shelf, I know its there as I put it there 1 hour ago. So I then ask her to have a second look just to check. Still unable to find it and getting very frustrated I go up and the cardigan is right at the front where I told her to look.

She loses things all the time, lost clothing, mobiles, money etc. She is unable to sit quietly, I have noticed that she either humm's all the time or taps her finger, she is unable to sit still and concentrate. She fidgets excessively when you are trying to watch a programme as a family, she starts to humm, but she doesn't realise she is doing. Her brain just cant switch off. I have found that sometimes playing with blue tack helps. She struggles to sleep. I have tried using meditation, mindfulness techniques with her and sleep hypnosis listening on 'Alexa' at bed time to help her sleep. I can put her to bed 8:30-9:30 and one she can still be awake at 1am, on a school day.

She would struggle the next day. You have to in the morning constantly be at her just to get dressed. You constantly have to motivate her to do anything, telling her step by step. I tried pictures to show her the process just get ready in the morning, but she wouldnt remember to look at them. She has no confidence and all the kids at school pick on her and tell her she is different. I tell her she is special, because she is different and that different can be good. Who is at fault here, not that I want to blame anyone, I just want to get her the right help before its to late for another daughter of mine.

I have tried to explain to the GP that its in my genes, I too have learning problems (never diagnosed), memory difficulties and many mental health issues, but have found ways to get through life. I think she has all the signs of Attention Deficit Disorder but no Hyper. I believe this is quite common for girls. My grandson has diagnosed ADHD because his symptoms are more noticeable so he has been diagnosed at 6. The only intervention my daughter has had is a bladder test when she was 5/6yrs and was told this wouldn't cause her incontinence.

She then went on to have an accident at 5, which has left a scar on her face, so has little confidence and has been picked on throughout school. The school always sorted the issues, when she was around 8/9yrs the school wrote to a paediatrician, the school had got her diagnosed with dyslexia, but the school felt there was signs of Attention Deficit Disorder and so did I. I was told by the school that the paediatrician wrote back basically saying that because she had dyslexia he didn't want to give her another label. Its not about giving her another label. She needs the label to get the help with issues of incontinence at 12 yrs old and her cognitive function.

I went to my GP again recently she comes home from school wet most days, He gave her antibiotics in case she had an infection when I went to see him back in September/October. He said he could look into giving her a referral back to a psychologist. She needs someone who can check to see if she has ADHD or ADD. I don't know who has failed me, but I feel helpless now. The school did help, but have they done enough, perhaps the GP could have done more, why didn't the paediatrician meet with her - they did it all without seeing her, because they felt she already had a label. I feel like I am failing her. Because she doesn't have the so called label she cant get the help she needs now in her first year at high school. Time and time again I hear of parents not knowing who to turn too. This is unfair and I feel sad for my daughter, this is her whole life! Are these not the important years? Aaaaagggghhhh!