"Admission to surgical ward"

Before I tell my story I must explain that I am a newly qualified nurse who now works in the private sector. I worked on a general surgical ward since February - May 2020 as a student nurse. Throughout lockdown/COVID I was a band 4 on the same ward and then transitioned to a band 5 role before leaving in August to start my new job elsewhere. Therefore I had experience in general surgery and had cared for people experiencing the same illness that I was suffering. I feel that this information is relevant to my care as it affected how I felt. 

I went to my practice nurse after feeling pain when sitting and noticing a lump on the bottom of my spine, I was sure it was a pilonidal cyst from my nursing experience. My practice nurse was fantastic, confirming my diagnosis, putting me at ease and prescribing antibiotics, and assured me that hopefully the antibiotics would work and I wouldn't need an operation, but if it got worse I was to call. 

I had been suffering from fevers and pain for a 4 days, I could not sit down without crying in pain and couldn't sleep. 

The next morning the cyst burst, I phoned my practice nurse and directed me to A&E to get a surgical review in the view of if it could be drained. I followed this instruction, stood in A&E for 4 hours, unable to sit, but no healthcare worker asked if they could get me anything or why I was standing, they were on their phones, apparently scrolling through social media instead. I didn't want to bother them so I didn't say anything, but now I wish I had. My mum was with me the whole time, she has been a nurse for 30 odd years. 

Finally I was seen and the dr confirmed my diagnosis and asked for a surgical review, who told me that it would need to be drained. I was terrified at this point as I had never had an operation or ever been unwell. I also knew what was coming having cared for others in my situation, and I was really scared. The Dr said I could stay overnight or go home and self-present to A&E the next morning, they assured me that a ward and A&E would be expecting me, and I would hopefully be able to have my operation in the morning, home by the afternoon. I decided to go home and come in the next day after my blood results showed only a slightly raised WCC and CRP. 

Up until this point I had felt safe in the care of professionals. 

When I arrived at A&E the next day like I was instructed, they stated that they were not expecting me, they called the doctor confirmed that I was meant to be there and directed me to the ward, they said the ward would be expecting me, all I had to do was say my name. 

I arrived to the ward, approached a healthcare assistant and said my name, then said I was going for an operation, they then turned to the nurse and said that I was there from theatres to help for the day. The nurse told me to get changed, I then had to correct her by saying that I was a patient. All the staff in the corridor were looking at me and I felt very uncomfortable. The nurse replied that I couldn't be a patient, that they had not heard anything and that I couldn't be one because I had no paperwork with me. I said that A&E sent me, I felt like I was having to justify myself and humiliated in front of all the staff. They kept denying me, until a senior nurse came out into the corridor and knew who I was and took me to my bed space. 

It was the same nurse who was disagreeing with me in the corridor who was to look after me. They came to do my admission, looking visibly annoyed, I could understand the frustration but it made me feel uncomfortable that they were displaying their anger in front of me and I felt taking it out on me. 

They took my vital signs, at this point I was feeling very unwell, I could feel my heart racing, I felt nauseous and freezing. My heart rate was up, my blood pressure low and I had a temperature, all signs that my body was not fighting the infection, and I knew that which scared me. 

I had been told to fast from midnight as my operation was to be in the morning, the nurse asked me what I had had to drink and I said nothing, they then groaned at me, telling me that it was stupid not to drink because now I would be fasting and dehydrated, I told of my fasting instruction and the response was just to shake their head. This made me feel belittled. 

I have a Gaelic name, I explained this as I could see the confusion when looking at it. I explained how to say my name clearly, but for the rest of the day they referred to me as a different name, which made me feel that they did not listen or care about what I had to say. 

They then took  hold of my calf and loudly commented that I would need "a large", this in reference to TED stockings. This triggered my low self-esteem and feeling ashamed of my body which I had been struggling with since childhood and it had been amplified when in hospital as people were looking at my sacral area as this is where my abscess was. 

They then asked me what I did for a living, I said that I was a nurse,and they asked me where I worked. I replied about my new job in the private sector, but that I had previously worked in general surgery at a different hospital, so I was scared as I knew what was going to happen and had seen how people struggle post operatively. They huffed again and asked about if general nursing hadn't been "good enough" for me. This made me very uncomfortable, I did not feel like justifying my career choices and felt attacked. 

I was asked about allergies, I stated them and they seemed annoyed again, exclaiming that they will have to get a red band for me. Also questioned if I was really allergic to plasters, I assured that I was and needed ones with less adhesion so I do not have a reaction. 

They then left without telling me what was going to happen next. 

The junior doctor then clerked me in, they were fantastic and treated me with respect, I talked about how uncomfortable I felt with people looking at my body and how I was scared to be here, and they understood and reassured me. 

I was scared this entire time, I felt awful in myself and that I needed fluids and paracetamol, the medication round came round and I was ignored, not asked if I needed anything. I buzzed for my nurse to ask if I could take my antibiotics prescribed by practice nurse and could have paracetamol for my temperature, which I thought not a huge request, they exclaimed that they had a million other things to do before getting me paracetamol. 

I decided to take my own antibiotics as I wasn't told to not do it, an hour later they returned with paracetamol. I asked about fluids and was just told 'I don't know' 

I was so scared and didn't feel safe, I wished I had gone to the hospital I knew, everything was mounting up on me and the only thing I knew to do was monitor my vital signs, which weren't being monitor by staff. No one checked my blood pressure or heart rate again until I was in theatre. 

I began to cry with the stress, staff looked at me but ignored me, not asking me what was wrong, I went into the bathroom to cry, embarrassed to be seen doing it by other patients. When I came out of the bathroom the senior nurse was in the room, waiting for me and told me that my operation would be at 1500. They saw that I was upset and I talked about how I didn't feel safe, and was scared to be under anesthetic as I had seen the negative reactions people had. They reassured me, and made me feel a little better, then got the fluids which had been prescribed for me hours ago but were not put up. 

At this point I felt better. 

I then saw a family member who works at the hospital. I am not close to them and did not want them involved in my care, which I told my nurse. I was told they wouldn't be involved. 

The afternoon went by and I hadn't gone for my operation, I understand that this often happened, but nobody told me why. The night shift arrived, I could hear the handover as the doors had not been closed, I heard the day nurse joking about the bad smell in the room, and saying it was coming from my burst abscess. This made me feel very self conscious and humiliated. 

I was taken for my operation in the evening, I was very nervous but the staff in the operating room were very reassuring, they calmed me and talked to me about work. I told them how scared I was, they showed kindness and compassion, even when I was becoming agitated and distressed when having to lie on my back, causing 10/10 pain. 

I woke up from the operation, and was taken to recovery. It was my family member taking me back to the ward, even after I clearly said I did not want them involved in my care. 

The night was okay, I was just happy to have the operation over, the nightshift nurse did not talk to me. I woke in the middle of the night with a needle in my arm, the nurse was giving me dalteparin and didn't ask for consent. I was startled, saying that it is against administrative guidelines to give dalteparin into the arm, they just shrugged and walked away. 

I spent the next day just wanting to leave, I had my dressing changed, the theatre used a sensitive dressing, but when it was changed by the day shift nurses they did not. I had a reaction to the dressing as a result. It got to 5 and my script and discharge letter was not ready, I was given my medications by the nurse in charge and told that my discharge letter would be posted to me.  I accepted this and left. 

I never received that discharge letter from the hospital. I had district nurse input, it was daily until I learned to do the dressing myself and visited them weekly. I waited two weeks until I asked the district nurse if they could print off my discharge letter as I needed it for work. They kindly did it. I cannot fault the care I received in the community, my practice nurse phoned me a week after to ask how I was getting on, the district nurses let me be independent with my care and also quickly noticed when I then developed shingles. 

My discharge letter had multiple mistakes, including the medication that I was discharged with. I did not receive enough painkillers, and received the wrong laxatives. It also stated that I did not require any follow-up community care, which I did need.