"Let down twice, too hard to actually see a…"

Don't know what the actual service is like because twice now i've attempted to begin the process and twice i've felt left in the cold.

The first was just under 2 years ago, i had to complete a training program for a week before being allowed to access therapy, I suffer from ptsd which flared up and i missed 2 days, i was then removed from the service and told i would have to start it again from scratch. To someone who was struggling to survive my environment and symptoms, this was a big blow to my mental health, i spiralled downwards and couldn't face going through the entire process again.

More recently I've been trying to enquire about a bipolar diagnosis, and i was referred to think wellbeing halton again. The person i spoke with initially was lovely, we did an hour long triage session and although we talked about things that were hard to discuss, they were understanding and supportive.

The next step in the process was a phone appointment. I was rang about 40 minutes late, and unfortunately i hadn't slept in 30 hours due to ptsd/insomnia. i explained the situation and said i can't discuss heavy things because im so tired i cant think straight, is it possible to get a call back the next day. I was told no it wasn't possible, and once again i was removed from the service. I rang back a few days later to try and rebook, but i was told i'm going to have to once again start from scratch, including another hour long triage call to discuss the same traumatic things that i'd already discussed just a few days before. The thought made me feel ill, so i cancelled the new triage appointment.

Twice now I've felt abandoned by the service, and being cut off so quickly brought up a lot of past abandonment trauma. Some of the people are nice but they also seem to be unapologetic about removing vulnerable people from the service. I was borderline suicidal the first time I got in touch, i said i wasn't because admitting it can get you put in hospital, but i was still counting on this therapy service to survive. I recovered on my own after a failed attempt, i just wish i could have gotten the therapy I needed before hand.

I'm upset because it can be hard to keep appointments and follow instructions with bad mental health problems, and vulnerable people need to be supported and understood rather than cut loose and sent back to square 1. If you're in a bad place its hard enough to seek help in the first place, having to pass these additional roadblocks can have devastating consequences to vulnerable and suffering people. I understand that we don't live in an ideal world and resources are limited, but a bit of support and understanding could well save lives.

Please bear in mind this isn't a review of the actual therapy, it might well be great, i just needed to let someone know the minor issues i've faced with this service have had some major impacts on me. The feelings of abandonment have put me off the entire service,and i doubt i'll try them again now.