"Awful bedside manner"

According to my dating scan I was due my son at the end of April 2020, he was my second pregnancy and I knew exactly when I conceived.  I was having exceptionally long cycles at the time (about 5 weeks) and must have ovulated later than usual as we conceived on day 32 of my cycle, my partner had been away so this was the only possible date that month.  Despite this very accurate window of conception dates that would have put my due date as the 4th May, midwives refused to account for it and insisted that we go with the dating scan that put it at 27th April.  I am 6ft 2", my partner is 6ft 4", my daughter (born 3 years earlier) was above the top centile line for length, I truly and with good reason believe that my dating scan due date was incorrect and failed to account for these facts. 

By 40+6 weeks of pregnancy (by their dates) I was being pressured to attend an appointment for induction that I had not agreed to.  I declined and told them that NICE guidelines state 'full term' to be anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks, and that therefore I was not 'over' until 42+1 and would not consider induction before then.  It is well known that induction can cause an unnecessary cascade of interventions that carry high risks that I did not want and did not feel that I needed.  

By 41+5 I was being heavily pressured to reconsider, despite good movement and my insisting I was still officially only considered 'full term', I agreed to go in for monitoring on the Monday when I would be 42 weeks if he had not arrived by then.  Monday morning I started contractions, with my daughter I started the latent phase of labour 5 days before she was born so I expected the same again.  I attended the appointment and informed them that I was in labour, but thanks to the drive, the strange surroundings and the fact that my partner was not allowed into the building due to Covid my contractions had slowed right down.  I was there for blood pressure test and an ECG which I was told afterwards should only have lasted a maximum of half an hour, I was hooked up to it for over two hours and left in a room on my own while they came back and forth trying to pressure me to accept induction.  This sent my blood pressure up and they insisted on more tests to see if I had preeclampsia.  By the end of the second hour they sent in an obstetrician who did not introduce themself.  Started friendly enough, asking how I was feeling and saying that they understand that I didn't want to do anything to risk my baby's birth, but was soon on to talk about the risk of not inducing and the risk to my baby's life.  I do understand that this information is necessary, that they did not know how much reading of NHS literature I had done to inform my choices; however when I said very clearly that I understood the risks that had been explained but that I was in labour and that I would not be accepting an induction that day, they began to get very frustrated with me.  Made remarks that I considered to be sarcastic about me and my partner not being qualified to make this decision.

I was very taken aback and said I didn't need to be a medical professional to understand the risks as they had been explained to me, but repeated that I was already in labour, I knew it would take some time and that I wasn't going to force it if there was no need and would categorically not be accepting any form of induction that day or the next and would reconsider my position in a few days, to which this staff member replied "Well, if your baby is even still alive in a few days".  I gasped, and they defended the comment saying that I needed to be told.

I commented that it was highly unprofessional and entirely unnecessary and that I would not be accepting induction that day and certainly not from this staff member.  Successful birth depends on the mother being relaxed, there seemed to be no interest in making sure that I had a successful birth, I felt that they were angry with me and not viewing me as an isolated case, but an example of all mothers there was frustration with. 

When they left, I discharged myself and attended another ECG the next day where I had more tests and exams, and a much more respectful meeting with a different obstetrician.  I declined induction again and said I would not be attending any more monitoring sessions in the next two days as I wanted to focus on my labour.  They sent out a community midwife the next day who I knew and agreed to, who took one look at me (still in labour and had been all of Tuesday and Tuesday night) and wondered why they had been pushing for an induction, as they thought I'd have my baby that night.  I was back in the hospital that evening (Wednesday) and had my son in the pool, without gas and air or any pain relief by 8pm that night.  I knew my body, I knew my situation, no one but the community midwife wanted to listen to me and if they could have forced induction on me they would have.  It was atrocious and caused me a great deal of anxiety, upset and stress.  It has been 5 months and telling the story of my initial visit to hospital still makes me well up with tears of frustration and humiliation. An awful, awful bedside manner for someone in a patient-facing role.