"Revisiting Therapy"

I first wrote about my story in August 2019, I had just finished therapy and was feeling extremely confident and proud of myself.

I then was told at the end of August 2019 that I couldn't have children, two weeks later I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. I was of course completely shocked, overwhelmed and excited. 

I told my partner who was equally excited, my parents family were over the moon, my brother was completely supportive but my mothers first words were "I'm not going to see it". From then on her lack of support once again begun to grind me own.

Then of course we went into Lockdown in March 2020 which meant I could no longer go and see my mum, I always had to go down there as she would never come and see me. We live 45 minutes apart and she works where i live one day per week but will never come for dinner, a cup of tea or anything. I gave birth at the end of April and was completely drowning in emotions.

I was nervous being a new mum, I couldn't get any help or support due to lockdown, my partner and I struggled a lot. My mum showed very little interest.

I realised I may need to seek help again as my emotions were taking over, I was so scared I wouldn't be a good mum and my child would have a rubbish childhood like I did, I also couldn't understand why my mum wanted nothing to do with my baby, it just made no sense to me.

I started to speak to Barrie again, even after my first session I felt so much better. I was initially embarrassed about seeking help again, I thought I had let myself down, my partner and baby down and even Barrie as we had worked so hard last time.

Barrie once again worked with me to sort through my emotions, I now realise that my little family is all that matters. If my mum wanted a part of it she would make an effort or even answer my texts.

I can't thank Barrie enough for all his help yet again, I want to say to everyone reading this do not feel embarrassed about seeking help even if it's the second third or fifteenth time. These people are amazing. Everyone needs help sometimes and its nothing to be ashamed of.