"My Covid-19 experience...or was it?"

On Sunday 5th July I woke up feeling tired, despite an unusual 9 hours of sleep. I couldn't taste my strong morning coffee and joked with my wife about having Covid. I assumed I had perhaps slept with my mouth ajar all night, resulting in the strange, or lack of taste in the coffee. 

I had been shielding for almost 4 months as a result of a kidney transplant. The Covid fear had come and gone as we gradually adjusted to life inside. Although, recently we had been out for walks and had visited gardens as the guidance allowed. 

As the day progressed I felt groggy. Like I had been drugged. Everything seemed off and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. 

I was taking my daughter to the park to allow my wife space to clean the house amongst other things. On leaving the house, I didnt feel right. I was convinced that my daughter was unwell and as I wasnt feeling 100% either I suggested that we both stay in the garden. My wife looked at me perplexed, replying 'she is absolutely fine. Go out and get some fresh air, it will do you both good'. 

Off we went, in the car, the short 5 minute drive to the park. I kept looking at my daughter thinking that she looked really unwell and my concern for her was growing. 

On arrival, I got out of the car and immediately felt awful. Something was definitely not right here. I'm now feeling very unwell - very dazed and confused. I look at my daughter and she looks the same. I can feel my heart rate rising. I check my Fitbit. 105bpm. Way above what it should be. I need to get home urgently, this is not right. 

On the way home panic began to set in. What has happened to my daughter and I? Have we been poisoned? I continued asking my daughter if she was okay and chatted to keep her lucid and calm. 

Once back at the house, I could hardly lift her out of the car seat  I managed to get us in the door and saw my wife in the hall. 'You need to take our daughter, she isn't well. I'm not well either. I dont know what's wrong. I need to go to bed'. 

That's all i managed to say before heading upstairs and sitting on the edge of our bed, confused and disoriented. My wife followed me upstairs, carrying our daughter in her arms. 'What do you mean she's not well? What happened? Can you tell me what's happened?'

'I dont know'. I replied, as I lay back on the bed. 

As soon as I lay back, I could feel my heart pounding and sweat beginning to form around my head and neck. I checked my Fitbit again- 120bpm. 

'What is going on'? I thought. I began taking deep breaths to calm my self down. I checked my watch again and again. 

130bpm

140bpm

165bpm

I was now gasping for breath. My heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest and i could hear it beating in my head. 'Call an ambulance please'. I gasped to my wife, who grabbed the phone and dialed 999. 

What seemed to me to be a 10minute wait for the ambulance, was actually about an hour. Within that time  I felt like I was dying. My wife thought I was too. We thought that was the end for me and I said my goodbyes to both wife and daughter. 

The paramedics arrived. By that time, my heart rate had come down to about 115bpm and had stayed there. 

The paramedics who attended to me were excellent. So professional and caring. They not only put me at ease, but helped to put my worried wife and curious daughter at ease too. Both of them, really assets to NHS Ayrshire and Arran. Unfortunately, I didnt get their names. Thank you so much to both of you. 

I began to feel better and by the time I was dropped off at the hospital I felt more like myself, but still very disoriented, confused and exhausted. 

I had found out, by this time, that my daughter was never remotely unwell and had been completely healthy the whole time. I had somehow imagined it. Was I psychotic? What was going on? I began to worry about my mental state. 

I was heading into the red zone. As someone who is shielding, this should have panicked me. However, I was so exhausted I didn't really care - which is strange, reflecting back, as a shielder. 

Once inside, I lay on the bed. A nurse approached the bed and asked me what had happened. I began to go through the story and became quite emotional. I couldn't understand what had happened and was worried about both my physical and mental health. The nurse barely made eye contact with me, seemed to be reading my notes whilst I telling the story. This didn't matter too much to me at the time, as it was the first time I had really had space to reflect on what had happened properly. I was simply told that I would need to wait for the doctor to come. 

The doctor arrived shortly after and again asked me what had happened. I began retelling the story and again became quite emotional telling it. Not tearful, but visibly emotional. I remembered how clearly I thought we had been poisoned and how vividly I could see that my daughter was really unwell - was none of that real? I thought. I recalled the feeling of dying and worrying about how my wife and daughter were going to cope with my death. It all seemed very surreal and overwhelming. The doctor asked if I could pass urine so that they could take a sample for testing. I needed to pee at that moment, so that was fine. 

After taking my sample, I lay in bed waiting for someone to return. 

A short time later the doctor returned. 'Your urine is clear, the ECG was fine'. they explained. 

'What do you think it could have been?' I asked. 

The doctor shrugged their shoulders and said 'I'm not sure'. Then asked if there was someone who could come and pick me up as I was free to go home. 

My wife picked me up and drove me home. Relieved to see me out of hospital. 

For the next few days, I continued to feel unwell. I was unable to work, although thankfully I had annual leave booked anyway. I called the GP on Thursday morning, concerned that I wasn't getting any better. The GP advised me that I may have had a mild form of Covid, but couldn't be sure. The GP was very understanding and showed a great amount of care for what I had been through. I was advised to rest and get in touch if things deteriorated, or if they hadn't improved in a few days. 

Thankfully, my symptoms began to subside after about a week and had completely gone in around 3 weeks. 

There are a few points in my story which don't sit right with me and with the benefit of being fully recovered I would like to address these: 

The lack of compassion from the doctor in the hospital is quite worrying. I understand that they can be busy and they require quick answers to solve problems. But there was no desire to even investigate what had happened. Just a shrug of the shoulders. 

I didnt have any blood tests in hospital. I'm still not sure why, especially when they sent me home without knowing what was wrong or what had happened to me. 

Perhaps most concerning - I was never tested for Covid. I was in the red zone. Why was I, a shielded individual, put in the red zone and not tested for Covid? I had loss of taste which was reported, alongside the other symptoms I was displaying. It would have been easy to test me there. This seemed bizarre to me and makes me incredibly distrustful of the current Covid figures. If we are not testing patients brought in by ambulance to the red zone, who are we testing? What's more, the GP advised that I could have 'mild Covid' and I still wasn't tested. 

I booked a test myself online, on Friday. I went to the local drive-in test centres. My results came back late that night. 'Your test result is unclear'. I will never know. 

Was it a panic attack I had that Sunday? What were the psychotic type episodes I had? Why did my heart rate go so high whilst being inactive? These are all now, unfortunately mysteries. 

I am grateful to be back at full health, but still worry about the level of care I received. If this happened to me, it has almost certainly happened to others. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.