"Experience as an inpatient"

I recently experienced very poor physical and mental health which resulted in a crisis. I knew my warning signs and was able to reach out (albeit this took a lot of courage due to severe stigma as a result of my BPD diagnosis in previous occasions) and ask for an assessment  before any harm came to me. 

The on-duty psychiatrist assessed me that evening when I was very visibly upset and in agony (my disability symptoms) and was most respectful, attentive, compassionate, empathetic and all-round lovely. Got me sorted straight away in terms of giving some acute medication to be admitted and pain relief so I didn't need to attend A&E. 

I have only ever stayed in a psychiatric hospital overnight. this was the first occasion that I needed and felt I had to for serious reasons stay in for the full week to get all services in the community set up for me whilst I was getting help in hospital. 

The staff (nearly all of them) were very pleasant, approachable and understanding. Due to my sensitive nature with my BPD symptoms I sometimes pick up on someone's energy and sense they don't want to help me or whatever. There were some instances of miscommunication resulting in a flare-up of distress for me but when we clarified I then calmed down and tried to reason and not end up splitting (BPD symptom) on the staff member. 

I have found that this stay was extremely beneficial for my health and mostly my safety. Thankfully I managed to get admitted before acting on suicidal or self-harm thoughts which I am proud of. 

I did find that due to my food phobias there was little understanding as to why I would not go to eat and that perhaps I was being perceived as difficult or demanding when I would ask for a snack instead. I felt I was an inconvenience. My consultant did try to explain this to staff. 

I must admit I would find it incredibly helpful if there was an onsite or on-call Councillor or helpline specifically for inpatient's to help talk through any things they feel they cannot talk about to staff. Mostly because the staff are incredibly busy and often just don't have the time for listening or a 1-1 session. 

Staff made me feel welcome and safe. I believe this is the start of a new chapter for me in my recovery. I feel some of the trust has been restored in the system as well as challenging the BPD stigma which was something I mentioned to the on-duty doctor that it was that in itself that prevented me from reaching out before. I am pleased to say no one stigmatized me.