"Calling the out of hours team"

Called at 17: 35. Didn't get through as ever, was told to leave a message or phone Rethink/Samiritans. This is immediately a bad start as it indicated my mental was not taken seriously and can be dealt with by non specialists who don't have my medical records to hand and can't really help.

I don't like phoning the out of hours team as I have had previous issues with lack of service. I've been told by some staff that I have no mental health issues, and by others that I am wasting their time in previous calls. Also I've had the phone put down on me during an episode and yet been told during another call that because I'm calm there's no problem as I'd be angry and emotional if there was. So you can't win with them.

They've been the subject of complaints but the reply is always 'you were abusive to us'. When this is challenged by my care workers, who point out I was having an episode and they're trained to deal with this no response is given.

Got no option but to phone them today as no other help is available. It's now 1747 and they haven't phoned back. I'm sorry the episode I've been trying to hold off all day hasn't happened on a weekday. I need someone really quickly to talk me down, I can't hold in the rage much longer, everything is prickly heat right now and throwing stuff against he wall only wards it off for a few minutes.

1802 Staff member phoned up. I explained how I've been holding in the rage all day and that I needed someone to talk me down. They said they weren't able to get anyone out to see me (Odd really, as I've seen 2 members of staff out at 1am to deal with someone who put a window through near the Cathedral a while back, but that's not like me, who they can pass on to someone else so there you go)

The staff member suggested I go for a walk. I pointed out that I'm trying to hold in a rage here and didn't really want to leave the house in case I had a confrontation. They then suggested I punch a pillow to take away the rage. I said I need to hear something break. They then seemed to take offence at me refusing their ideas and said this is not going to help, saying I had gone in here with an idea of what should be done (Imagine that! ) and they can't send anyone out because they haven't got the resources. I pointed out that's not true and recounted the  meeting above, suggested this was won't as opposed to can't. 'welllll' and then I said 'that makes two of us' and put the phone down.

At no point did I raise my voice, swear or insult the staff member, I merely pointed out the treatment I've had in the past and, despite more £££ allegedly being put in there it's still the same story, I don't get help from the out-of-hours team as I don't have drug or alcohol issues.

They are simply discouraging me from phoning them again.