"We were not told that she was not going to be given CPR"

My mother is 84 years old. She has dementia, but this doesn't effect much of her life, so far. She still reads, has intelligent conversations, she is writing a book on her laptop and likes to watch documentaries about world issues on television.

However, she does have difficulty walking, but did like to go shopping in her wheelchair before Cov-19 meant she had to self isolate . She now sits outside in our garden reading her kindle or book. Overall she has a good quality of life.

About a month ago she began to have severe back pain, she was sent to Crosshouse Hospital and put into ward 5D. I was concerned because she suffering so much with the pain. Because of the virus I was unable to visit her, so the only way I could find out what was happening was by phoning the ward. I would phone sometimes twice or three times a day for updates, I don't think this is excessive in anyway, I was worried because I couldn't see her. I really wanted them to ex-ray her back as I thought this might give us some answers to were the pain was coming from, but they kept saying no they were not going to ex-ray her back. I was then told cheekily by a nurse not to phone as much as there were 'other patients!'

The nurses really were telling me nothing and after about four days I asked to speak to the doctor. When I spoke to one they knew who I was talking about and she was their patient. They told me over the phone that my mum had come in with abdominal pains. I couldn't believe, after four days her doctor didn't even know what she had came into the hospital for. So, I said that she had been admitted into hospital with severe back pain, not abdominal pain. So, I made my excuses and said goodbye, because i thought this doctor obviously didn't have a clue.

So, I thought if I phoned and asked to speak to the consultant, I'd get some answers. I spoke to one who spoke to me as if I was being a nuisance, huffing and puffing as if they were really irritated with me.

My mother's back started to get better and when my mother got discharged from ward 5D in her bag of dirty washing was a 'DO NOT ATTEMPT CARDIOPULMONARY RESUSCITATION' with my mother's name and address on it.  The reason given for not giving her CPR because she was frail. Well, you are going to be frail if you have severe back pain. When my mother doesn't have severe backpain, she is NOT frail! She is stronger as me.  We were not told that she was not going to be given CPR. So, I'm very angry. Both because we weren't told also because they have got it completely wrong!

I think this is them being ageist and just because she can't walk does not mean she is frail! She is one of the strongest people I have ever known. They were judging her when she wasn't well, that is not a true representation of her, because when she is well she is  physically strong and I am certain she could survive CPR. My mother and I are both aware that they can break your ribs and it can be painful, but mother and I are sure she could easily recover from this. We believe the two doctors who signed the form are wrong and we are angry.

My mother wants to live and we want this document changed, so she gets CPR if she needs it. If I thought my mother wasn't strong enough to take CPR I wouldn't be selfish and I would agree and see it as cruel to put someone through something they couldn't handle, but I know that the doctors have got it wrong. We want this changed!