"Discharged from cmht in Truro. No support followed this."

I was discharged from the community mental health team in Truro, Cornwall in December 2019. I regularly self-harm and feel sucidal. I was attending therpay which I did find quite difficult to connect with and then something within the group happened with another group  member and I felt that I had no choice but to leave. I probably would have stuck at for the remainng 6 months if that particular incident hadn't occurred. The entire experience of that, completely crushed my confidence and trust within a group setting. I will never put myself in such a vulnerable position again.

That was in may 2019. Fast forward to November 2019, a mdt meeting was held, where it was decided that I am "fictitious" the outcome of that meeting was that -I don't really cause myself harm and that I'm not actually sucidal, I don't engage, I waste peoples time- and by December 2019 I was discharged from services and left to fend for myself, they never even offered any other type of therapy because of not being stable but at the same time I'm a liar? Which is it then? I am too unstable for any therapy but I'm fictitious? How does that even make any sense?

So it feels to me that they must believe that I do cause myself harm and that I am actually sucidal if I'm too unstable for trauma therapay, so why label me as a fictitious and keep saying that I do not tell the truth but not offer me the therapy? The condrictiction in their diagnosis is seems stupid to me.  And of course it was all about my lack of engagement in dbt, however, I don't think they fully appreciate all that happened within that group. I can bet that isn't written anywhere in my notes.

Now, unfortunately I continue to struggle with the self-harm and suicide attempts probably a lot worse than before as well as other things that I have been unable to discuss my mental health has declined significantly, their refusal to talk to me, makes it impossible to tell them anything. I still don't have any support and now mental health services are talking of prosecution for missuse of services? !

I'm ill, not a criminal! Imagine being discharged while being so unwell, given some charity numbers to phone, people who I will never ever meet in my life, people who do not know me and will never get to know me either. Apparently, "threatening" to take an overdose or actually taking one is a missuse of service? I don't actually "threaten" I try to talk about how I feel, by saying that "I feel like doing this. " In what way is that a missuse of service? I don't do well in group settings, my anxiety is awful surrounding this.

I have begged for some help, the team have closed referrals for me, refuse to speak with me when I phone for some help, labelled me a criminal, even the pyschatric team at a& e refuse to see me. They have consistently blamed me for lack of engagement but only add in what they want to and skip the rest of it. I have had to prove I do what I say by way of recording it on my phone so that I do not get called fictitious. To be accused of lying has just made it a whole lot worse for me. What they have said about me and made me out to be is just cruel! I think it's a huge failure on their part.  .

I have complained to pals about it already, they for some reason seem to agree with discharging a suicidal patient who regularly overdoses, with no support, a couple charity numbers that I find difficult to build a rapport with. I have been treated like someone I'm not. I personally believe that they want me to gone, out of sight, out of mind. I dont feel that my mental health is of importance to this team, I am not a priority because they are afraid of the outcome and didn't know what else to do. Also my psychiatrist hadn't even offered me an appointmnt for 2 years. I did not see them once in two years (apart from a 136 assessment with lasted less than 5 minutes) And then they have the cheek to speak about me and make me out to be an awful person when really they dont even know me! I don't have anyone I can turn to that I trust anymore. When even the people who get paid to care, just discharge you and leave you with no help at all, that just reinforces how worthless I am. I have written to the pyschatrist specifically stating what I feel would be helpful to me at this stage, I suspect that it will of course be ignored. I hope that other people do not have to be treated with such indifference.  I should not have to beg for help and be completely ignored.