"Fern Ward; amazing, supportive and extremely..."

Admitted onto St.Martins under a Section Two, i then spent three extraordinary weeks in the care of the nursing staff on Fern Ward. They were constantly supportive of me, from day one when admitted at five o’clock in the morning in a highly agitated and excitable mood, to my discharge three weeks later, a whole week before my Section was set to expire. The nurses were kind, helpful and respectful, all in the face of my uncontrollable movement disorder and at times my dreadfully humorous and euphoric moods. And to fly in the face of what is the commonly held view on the subject, the food was excellent. Superb, even! I regained my appetite totally, and a rekindled interest in all things cookery. Missing a mealtime was a genuine disappointment!

Above everything, my abiding memory of my forced detention is of the humane and utterly professional attitude shown me by ALL of the staff, including doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists and right down to the cleaning staff. I’ve nothing but praise, and gratitude for them all. My own diagnosis, and reason for my admission, was not the crucial issue I faced or felt most keenly and fearful of. I’m not sure if it’s permissible to explain that I am a trans woman. Not an issue normally, but a decline in my ability to maintain my appearance, and increasing self- neglect, gave rise to all manner of nightmarish scenarios and encounters with the other patients. And all along the staff backed me, and my right to be a patient on the Ward, and it was that which gave my recovery it’s momentum. Proven eventually by what I felt was acceptance by everyone, staff and patients alike, despite what has become my increasingly collapsing physical inability to pass as my chosen gender. Thank you to everyone on Fern Ward, I’m eternally grateful, while still struggling with feelings of despair and self- loathing. But that’s in the nature of the beast and why places such as St.Martins are there in the first place, paranoia notwithstanding.