"Overcoming my OCD, Anixiety and Depression!"

This seems like a long blog, but please give it a read. It includes my top tips! 

 

I'm 19 and life for the past year has been incredibly difficult.  

I felt lonely, depressed, on edge; it was like the world was caving in.  

 

My biggest regret was not telling someone about my problems earlier. I mean I laid in bed for weeks, not really understanding myself. These intrusive and disturbing thoughts kept filling my mind constantly. I didn't know what to do, who to go to or how to end them. If it wasn't for family members noticing these changes, who knows what life would be like now. 

 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder took over my life! If it wasn't open door, close door, open door, close door, it was mental routines, problems with cleanliness, safety, and my life continued to crumble. The fear that something bad WAS going to happen took over, therefore I performed these lengthy routines and created mental rituals to cope and neutralise the intrusive thoughts. 

 

OCD is a horrible condition to live through, its emotionally draining, physically and mentally exhausting and causes hundreds of mood changes per day. This condition also strained my relationships, as I would constantly argue with family members. For example, I constantly asked them to do things to prevent myself from having to get things like a glass of water otherwise it would take me 15 minutes due to the physical routines of turning the tap on and off multiple times. This did cause tension, but my family were there for me and did stop getting these things for me. It sounds horrible and it was, but I would only get better if I gained my independence back. 

OCD was the main problem, however, due to the anxiety behind the thinking that 'something bad would happen' I became depressed and was put on antidepressants at the age of 18. 

 

The medication helped control my depression, but didn't stop the exhaustion, or embarrassment of having to walk in and out and in and out and in and out of shops or rooms. Every routine and ritual became my life. I couldn't be myself, and in fact I lost the feeling of who I was. Sitting around in the summer holidays dwelling upon life was the worst, I had no plans and cut myself of completely from the world, including those who cared for me. 

 

I was signed of work and life was just continually spiralling downwards. The thought of getting up out of bed was anxiety provoking, without any of the routines, such as: getting out of bed more than once, washing my hands three times with five pumps of soap, walking in and out of rooms, unplugging and re-plugging my phone on charge until it felt right. It’s really difficult to explain to be honest, especially when you don't understand yourself and what you're doing. 

 

After several months I built to the courage to see the local GP, and that's where my story began. I was referred to the NHS and Bromley Healthcare service where I received a phone call which placed me on a long waiting list (9 months) to receive Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This time frame fuelled my depression further as I knew it was a long and excruciating wait, especially as I knew I would suffer from the OCD for that length of time.  

HOWEVER, DONT BE PUT OFF BY THIS!!! 

The nine months flew, and in between I was able to research my condition, and try and keep things under control, for example, rationing the amount of hand soap I used to prevent my hands from becoming sore and cracked. 

Then i got the call i was so waiting for. The best call of my life! It was Talk Together Bromley, offering me weekly CBT in Beckenham. At first, I was scared, in fact petrified. I mean it was difficult to leave the house and do things on my own, so even attending my first therapy session was a huge achievement in itself. 

 

My therapist and I worked on several techniques over the several months and here’s a few that benefitted me the most: 

-Do the Homework!  (It sounds crazy and like your back at school, but it really wasn't. Each week i was able to carry out a questionnaire to track my anxiety and depression, research further into my condition, and also take my in-session tasks, home to my friends and family who helped me deal with the treatment.) 

-Have a motivation or future goal!  (From my first session, my aim was to be back on track and be my normal self again, bubbly and confident. As i was due to start University in the upcoming September, I decided that this would be the goal. When i had down days (WHICH ARE NORMAL) I always kept this goal in the back of my mind to power me through the difficult times.) 

-Remember that you don't have superpowers!  (I learnt that my thoughts can’t cause X situation to happen. It sounds so simple but with my OCD, I never had simple thoughts, everything was twisted and extreme, clouding the normal thought process.) 

-Track your progress!  (By looking back at my journey, especially the notes i had made each week in session, I was able to visually see how far i had come over the difficult journey.) 

-Speak UP!  (People are there to listen, your family, friends, carers, colleagues, peers etc. I did not realise how many people were truly there to me until I opened up to them about my struggles.) 

-Keep busy!  (Don't dwell upon the past and negativity of the OCD, think positively, and keep busy to give your mind a rest and even a stroll in the park was enough to take my mind off things.) 

-Exercise!  (I have always hated exercise, but as studies show, exercise improves mental health.) 

-Try cutting down a ritual per week!   (This one was the most difficult by far. But try it! For example, I cut handwashing down to one wash per time, with one pump of time, and of course it was anxiety provoking, but to this day I still only use that one pump.) 

-Test yourself!  (If you think your sister would get hit by a bus if you don’t open the cupboard four times, then test it by refusing to touch the cupboard. Trust me it sounds silly and is difficult but each week, my therapist and I thought of a new situation, and did any of them happen? Of course not! I don’t have magical powers! 

 

I can proudly say, I have been discharged from therapy, am in recovery and I'm off to university in a few weeks.  

Not all stories mirror mine, and I know everyone suffers in different ways.  

I still have good and bad days and have low moods and anxiety, but EVERY HUMAN DOES! We would be emotionless otherwise.  

I’m still re-reading my notes weekly to remind myself of the progress and its so rewarding to see the change in myself. 

This past year has been both the best and worst year of my life. Why? Because not only have I struggled and had but I have learnt a lot from it. I have grown and matured and am a better person than I was before. 

 

My OCD is still inside of me, and it may never fully go, but with the appropriate help skills I can keep it under control and look forward to the future. 

 

But please speak up, listen to people and remember, PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU! 

YOU CAN GET BETTER!