"Borderline personality disorder"

I was sectioned last year after Manor Road twice told me that I was not ill enough to access their service over an 8 year period. I was fobbed off yet again as I have an alcohol problem which I am addressing with success. (which is not taken on board by Manor Road), but has always been recognised by CGL new directions. . I have an alcohol outreach worker at CGL New Directions who introduced me to a consultant psychiatrist. This psychiatrist referred me to the Mandala Centre as he saw signs of Borderline personality disorder.

The Mandala Centre referal was not accepted as it was missing essential details about my ongoing mental health difficulties and medication. They instead wanted to refer me to a step 4 dealing with emotions course. I was then told this course no longer runs.

During the referral process my health deteriorated and I was referred to Manor Road local mental health team.

The Nurse at Manor Road, contrary to the information given, told me that I did not have borderline personality disorder and was not bad enough. I am a patient of psychiatric services for 27 years and have accessed the Mandala Centre on and off during this time. I had also been sectioned on a 136 in 2012.

During this time I visited my GP in desperate need of help. The GP was reluctant to re- refer me back to mental health services as in their words the referal would only get 'bounced back' it took my partner's insistance on trying once again for this to happen.

I would like to stress that without CGL input, both with my alcohol outreach worker and the psychiatrist who works alongside, a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder may have never been made or at the very least may have resulted in many more years of unnecessary suffering. This not only affects me but has had a knock on effect for all areas of life. I was effectively left alone to cope, which was a life of not coping.

Somebody at Manor Road called me some weeks after assessment ( they did not tell me who they were) and I was told over the phone that I would not be seen as I needed to sort the alcohol issue out first. They had already been told that alcohol use was a secondary concern to my mental health condition and that I was engaging with CGL services.

This led to a feeling of horror of which I was certain I would not recover from.

I then tried to take my own life and was sectioned. A second form was submitted to the Mandala Centre by CGL. I would like to say that staff at CGL assured me that they would not give up on getting me appropriate help and treatment.

I was then assessed by the Mandala Centre and was found to have borderline personality disorder. I am now due to enter their Mentalisation based therapy programme in September. I am very pleased that I have been accepted onto this and that Mandala Centre have recognised that I had an underlying additional mental health condition which needed treating.

I am going to make a complaint to Manor Road. It has become apparent that local mental health teams and GP's are not aware of what Mandala Centre actually does, even after being invited to open events providing information on services regarding personality disorder and what therapy they offer. Surely this would be helpful in their assessment of people that come into their care.

There is an obvious misalignment between alcohol services and mental health services. This was once addressed through the duel diagnosis service which only closed down last year and I knew nothing about until I researched it myself. This service existed because it is well know that substance misuse and mental health issues often go hand in hand. I feel that to deny this puts vulnerable people at risk.

It is not good enough to blame people with mental heath problems when you have asked for help and there is no one there.

I am saying this because I nearly lost my life.

Thank you for reading.