"My Mum's Death"

In November 2018, my mum was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer with bony mets. From January, she became more symptomatic and in Feb was diagnosed with further spread to liver. She had been in the hospital getting her ascitic fluid drained that week and was then discharged home. She started chemotherapy in mid Feb and became increasingly tired and dehydrated and was referred back to the AAU by the Macmillan centre two days later for IV fluids. She underwent further tests in AAU and they decided not to give IV fluids as she was overloaded already. She was admitted on to MAU to observe and then later that day moved into a side room. We were told her white cells were abnormal and she was put in isolation as a precaution so that she did not catch any infections. She was then moved to ward 4 that night. 

The next morning, we had not heard from mum so phoned the ward to be told she had a settled night. My sister and I were heading down to visit mum and on arrival to the ward we noticed a significant deterioration, she could hardly talk to us, her colour wasn't good and she was so weak she could not get out of bed. This was quite a change overnight. She asked for the toilet and after trying the bedpan she had informed me she had not passed urine that day. I informed the staff nurse of this, as I don't think they were aware. They did a bladder scan and she was in retention and needed catheterised. Shortly after I had to ask the nurse for mum to be prescribed something to relax her as she was becoming agitated. She was given Midazolam. At this point we felt we had to contact dad and all the close family to be here as she was obviously dying. We had not been told any of this by any nursing or medical staff or advised by anyone to phone dad. We decided ourselves.

We were then taken aside by one of the ward consultants and told mum had deteriorated and they were trying to get in touch with her oncologist to come and review and spoke to us about a DNAR certificate. We stated at this point it was all a bit of a shock and we were waiting on dad before making any decisions. After going to meet dad, arrival back to the ward we were not allowed in the room as the doctors were with her. They told us she was unwell and unresponsive. We spoke with the Dr and agreed to a DNAR and at this point we were not sure if dad would ever speak to mum again. I went along to the room and there were doctors trying to get blood out of her groin, IV antibiotics and IV fluids now running, IV glucose being bolused and oxygen on. She was slowly becoming rousable but there was still no explanation to what was going on.

They mentioned possible infection. They were obviously treating for septic shock but we were not informed of this. And there was no known source of infection. We then got to sit with mum as she continued to deteriorate and were then told she would be moving to ward 5 to be given vasopressors. She eventually moved through but her blood pressure was so low they could not get a reading. They eventually managed and started the medication. To which there was no response. They were giving more IV glucose and she was hooked up to the cardiac monitor that continued to alarm as her observations were completely abnormal. This was hugely unsettling for the family. We did not like seeing mum like this. 

The doctors eventually came in and said that they felt they should stop intervening and pull back to which we agreed and may have done earlier if we were consulted with. 

After all fluids and monitors were taken down, my mum died peacefully within the hour. 

It has taken me a long time to write this and we knew that mum's death was inevitable but it all happened so quickly and I feel we were not rightly informed throughout the process. We were not told if it was sepsis or a progression of her disease etc. Her death certificate stated multiple organ failure. 

I also feel that if I wasn't a nurse and recognised mums symptoms that Friday morning, we may not have been accurately informed of her condition and able to get dad and the family there in time.