"Supply of medication"

I am 26 years old and last year I luckily survived a suicide attempt.

I realise that suicide may be an uncomfortable topic to read about or listen to - and, believe me, it is equally as uncomfortable to speak about it - but in hindsight it is a subject that must be addressed; and if my story and experience can help prevent even just one person finding themselves in a position I was once in, then something positive can come from this.

To give some perspective on what led to this particular situation stems back to my childhood. From a young age I was victim to occasional sexual abuse and regular violence from family members; at the time I didn't comprehend what sexual abuse was as I had no true understanding of it at that age, though I was certain I hated the violence.

Another incident kickstarted a wave of violent and sustained physical and verbal bullying in school, which was not addressed and that only ever grew out of control thereafter until I left at the age of 16. It was around this time I was also coming to terms at the fact I was gay

This was my start to life at 16. Homeless, unable to secure shelter, unable to find work as I had no suitable clothing for it and with very little money to my name. I would shoplift from if I didn't have any money.

And then came the day which knocked me off my feet in a way I could never be prepared for... I was approached by the police randomly and point blank asked about my step-father and sexual abuse. I thought I had prepared myself enough to hide that truth of my life from everyone and in a heartbeat everything I once believed became questionable: How did they know? How long have the known? Who else knows?

That moment changed me as a person - for better and for worse. I played over every moment trying to identify where I went wrong, and then I realised how it was pictured together.

Piecing everything together, it soon became apparent that the school was aware, and the police, long before anyone ever approached me about it. This then lead onto speculation over whether they could have prevented any of the abuse at all, or the other things which happened. Yet the one question, even to this day, I've still never been able to get an answer for is simply: Why?

I felt utterly betrayed and I immediately lost all trust in people and authorities. I could feel myself losing control of my emotions because this was unexpected; I wasn't prepared for this scenario.

If you've reached this far and you are still reading, you're probably thinking to yourself "Well, what does any of this have to do with services provided by the NHS?", and you make a good point!

Most GP appointments last roughly 5 to 10 minutes or so, and in the cases where certain antidepressants are prescribed, that isn't always sufficient time to truly understand if an individual is genuinely stable enough to be in possession of enough tablets that could cause a fatality.

Serotonin Syndrome is, arguably, uniquely dangerous in the fact that very little can actually be done to counteract it. Sure, a valium to treat the spasms and a serotonin-blocking agent can be provided to help counter the effects, but it really does come down to chance whether or not that is going to be enough and whether a persons body is going to give up or not.

All it takes is a single moment for someone with depression or any other mental illness to consume a dangerous amount if they have access to them. Most people who have suffered from feeling suicidal would probably share the view that they have good days and they have bad days - and it is the bad days especially we need to be extra careful about.

It may yet be reasonable to begin prescriptions of such medication on weekly amounts rather than supplying more than a months worth of tablets - and increasing the amount of prescription if they do not show any alarming signs of misuse for any reason.

I cut my story at when I was 16, and it only touches on brief moments of my childhood and does not go into all the detail, yet it in itself would take up more than the average time of a GP appointment. My mistake was not seeking out professional help sooner rather than allowing it to consume and dictate most of my life so far, and likewise with others who suffer from mental illness I, too, am still in the process of managing and tackling mine. I have good periods and I have bad periods, but acknowledging and preparing for them is key to regaining control.

When I took my overdose, I fully intended to die that day - I was attending a GP appointment for the prescription and everywhere I was going there was coverage about football which coincidentally is one of my triggers about my childhood. In hindsight, I am glad I didn't and I genuinely don't have a bad word to say about any of the NHS staff - but perhaps it may be time to revisit how much medication is provided in bulk as a first prescription among those of us that could be classified as a high risk.

Picking up a weekly repeat prescription rather than holding 6 weeks worth of prescription at once may well be the difference between life and death one of these days.