"Community midwife team"

After undergoing fertility investigation at Frimley and receiving amazing care from our consultant we were eventually thrilled to find out we were having a baby! 

Living near the hospital I was obviously feeling smug and blessed that we had a top class maternity service on our doorstep... and then reality hit! 

My first midwife appointment I had no idea what to expect so we took the opportunity to go for a big breakfast before hand I’d been on a strict diet during the fertility so we went all out! I arrived at the appointment feeling bloated and uncomfortable! 

I have never regretted eating a meal more in my life.... I was asked to step on the scales (11 weeks pregnant and full to the brim) I was 7lbs heavier than I had been at my last fertility appointment, feeling pretty chuffed with that result I saw the midwife tick a box. A box that has haunted me for 6 months so far! My BMI had tipped just slightly into a “risk”. Which then started a chain reaction which removed all humility from “the system” and has left me as a human who is fighting the NHS for what NICE guidelines say is my right to choice. 

Anyway back to my booking appointment... I was told the midwife there was not my midwife she was standing in for the day so any questions I had were best saved for my allocated midwife. So I leave totally deflated that I am now a “tick box” confused about what the “tick box” means in terms of options and upset I had no idea I would be weighed and regretting every delicious bite of my breakfast and vowing to eat like an angel though pregnancy! 

The following 3 appointments went very much the same (still all “stand in” midwifes who said “it’s to early for you to worry about giving birth, wait until you see your actual midwife”) and although i had now eaten so well and exercised and lost weight! I was told once the box is ticked it cannot be unticked!!! (Why bother just eat pizza entered me head a few times) 

So I’m now being sent to see the “bariatric midwife” what a delight I thought. Although slightly miffed I have to attend I am always excited to learn new things, and with a degree qualified PT and nutritionalist as a husband I was keen to get home and tell him all I’d learned! So what a pointless waste of 4 hours of my life! After waiting 3.5 hours. I was given some leaflets about how to manage my diabetes (I didn’t even know I had! Did I have a test whilst asleep??) I was told what vegetables were... fascinating things if you haven’t heard of them! I saw an opportunity for a question.. so I went for it, “what does have the BMI box ticked mean for my options?” Well you will have to have a birth on the labour ward because the risks of the baby dying are greater when you have a high BMI.

I’m involved in healthcare by trade, so I’m pretty up with clinical risk management and NICE guidelines . So I pushed a bit deeper. “So that means no home birth or Mulberry suite? Can you explain what the increased risks are when your BMI is 0.3 points to high? Are the risk markers proportional to the BMI?” 

The answer was a classic.... you can’t use the Mulberry because you have a high BMI so can’t lift your leg, you would also get bed sores...

Speechless..... I sat processing this whirlwind of information for a minute, the main questions that crossed my mind we’re how do I manage to get in my own bath and ride my horse without lifting my own leg? Also how do I get a bed sore in a suite made to facilitate active labour so doesn’t have a bed?? I couldn’t bring myself to listen anymore so I left still questioning everything I knew about myself and my ability to move my own limbs. 

Back to the midwife I go! On a mission to discover the truth and armed with my newly researched clinical studies and guidelines! I felt empowered to seek the truth and make informed decisions about my own care!! 

Waste of time... I walked in was told my midwife was off sick (who is this mysterious woman I am yet to meet at 28weeks pregnant) 

I asked my questions got a patronising shoulder rub and was told I should enjoy being pregnant and not worry about Labour... I said pleadingly how do I arrange a home birth then. I was thrilled when she said il get someone to visit you at home to discuss it! I left feeling confused but triumphant!!

Next appointment we’re at 32 weeks! Someone must want to talk to me about birth now, surely 

I thought I might even get a date for my home visit! Nope, stand in midwife so just doing the basic checks and running late so no time to chat my midwife will give me a call... also no need to see me at 34 weeks just come at 36....

Oh ok.

I book in as instructed for 36 weeks. No appointments so next appointment available is 37 + 6. Not much choice I thought it’s my only option. 

Really concerned now that I have no idea what to do if I go into labour, where will I go? Where am I allowed? So I start researching like any good scientist! I find out the equipment for home birth is delivered at 38 weeks, (2days after my next appointment) 

I put my big girl pants on and decided the service I was receiving was not acceptable, I have a right to choice and a right to be given factual information about my care and the risks so I can make informed choices! 

So I get on the phone! I call...

The Drs to get a midwife call - no response as yet I’ve called 3 times i the last week. 

The community midwife advisory line - no response as yet I’ve called 4 times

The community matron - no response as yet Iv called twice. 

The labour ward triage - put message the labour manager, no response as yet.

So at 37 weeks pregnant I am looking at the hospital out of my window whilst writing this at 1am and thinking is this the care I deserve for happening to fit in a box on a form...  is this the treatment I deserve for putting on a few pounds in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy...

Or is this the service I should have expected? Am I expecting to much to want to ask questions about this life changing event?

I doubt I will ever get answers to those questions either. God knows where il end up giving birth but it will be as much a surprise to me as anyone else! Who doesn’t love a good surprise!!