"Funding for Depersonalisation"

For most of my life I have felt disconnected from life and from everyone around me. I feel robotic and the world feels flat and lifeless. I have no emotional connection to memories and I can't even recognise my face in the mirror. I am just going through the motions. I'm a single mum and have no family up here. I only recently put a name to my condition: depersonalisation /derealisation disorder (DDD) . It is a recognised disorder on DSM 5 and has been known about for over 100 years. However I think that GPs and other Health professionals are not trained in the disorder and are therefore very unlikely to recognise it. It is very often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all. It is an unbearably difficult condition to live with as it robs you of your emotion and causes a lot of anxiety. I succeeded finally in getting one of my GPs to read up on the condition and they agreed that I met the criteria for a diagnosis. The only specialist clinic for Depersonalisation /derealisation is the NHS maudsley clinic in London. My referral from the GP was accepted by this clinic. However when they requested said assessment be funded, this funding was refused by my local Health Board (Grampian).

DDD is a dissociative disorder and therefore needs someone qualified and knowledgeable in these sorts of conditions to diagnose it. I believe there is not sufficient knowledge within Grampian to diagnose this and the condition creates fear in not just the sufferer but in the health professionals around the sufferer.   I have found all health professionals I have been in contact with over the years to be unsympathetic and bewildered which has been a very isolating experience for me.  Since the psychiatry team (Pluscarden, Elgin) have in my opinion misdiagnosed me and are not currently willing to consider a different possibility (ie a diagnosis of DDD which in many ways mimics the condition they have diagnosed me with) I feel I am effectively being blocked and possible doors to recovery are being closed.

In light of new information regarding my condition (which my GP in Forres haven't updated Psychiatry in Elgin with), I believe I should be offered another appointment with Psychiatry in Plusgarden. When I saw them before I was, myself not aware of Depersonalisation/Derealisation so was unable to suggest this as a possible primary diagnosis. I have followed a number of websites and groups on depersonalisation including one funded by the Mental Health charity Rethink and the biggest obstacle people with this condition face is the lack of knowledge and understanding afforded them by health professionals. A large number of them were misdiagnosed a number of times before they finally got the correct diagnosis. The assessment process used by psychiatry in Elgin I believe is flawed as they didn't ask about my symptoms: only took a life history. I tried to explain that I felt detached constantly (24/7). This was unfortunately disregarded as it was assumed these feelings of detachment were transitory. This is definitely not the case. I have been told by my GP and by Pluscarden that they will not do anything for me. I spoke with a private clinical psychologist locally who has worked for many years in the NHS and privately.  She said she wouldn't recommend I saw her as she too has no expertise in Depersonalisation/Derealisation but she suggested I seek an emergency appointment with the GP. 

Social services once suggested I go to A and E. I don't believe this is appropriate as I am a single mum and there is no one else here who can look after my child. My family and friends have written to the Grampian Health Board as since reading about the condition they recognise that I definitely have it. My step mother is a doctor of psychotherapy and works with private clients and lectures in London in Psychotherapy. Until I showed her the information on DDD she had never heard of it. Luckily things are changing especially in England. Previous and current sufferers have had articles written about them in the last couple of years in The Guardian, The Metro. Also it was featured on a programme on the BBC and on radio 2 last year. People are working hard to improve awareness of this debilitating condition. My family, fortunately are behind me. My issue is that I feel my treatment is being blocked due to misdiagnosis.

I would appreciate any support I can get with this condition. It has robbed me of  most of my life and I cannot even enjoy being a parent as there is even a veil of detachment between me and my son. I just want to be able to feel love and connection to my family again. I cannot go on feeling isolated and disregarded by health professionals who we look to to offer support. No support is being provided.