"Maternity services"

It’s taken a while but I’ve had time to reflect and wanted to share my experience of NHS Lothian maternity services.

I should preface this with the fact I had a hormone assisted pregnancy and before becoming pregnant, spent a lot of time with the Red Team at Edinburgh Fertility and Reproductive Endocrine Centre. Without them I wouldn’t have my baby and I don’t think I can begin to put into words my gratitude at having such an amazing service available. I do not take it for granted and wanted to pass on a massive heartfelt thanks.

I was booked to be induced and admitted to hospital. By that evening I was moved to the labour ward just before a shift change. As the new shift started, I met Tracy and Debbie who were my midwife and student midwife. I love those women. They are wonderful people. They just made me feel so comfortable and supported and empowered. I spent five hours labouring on gas and air before deciding I wanted an epidural. I clearly remember Tracy telling me I had made the right decision and that made me feel like I hadn’t thrown in the towel for the sake of it (I’d been determined not to have an epidural – haha first time mum naivety). After the epidural was administered by another wonderful woman. I have forgotten her name but won’t forget how calm and lovely she was and explained things to ease my concerns. I was panicked that I wouldn’t be able to keep still for long enough but she was so fast and within minutes I felt the most comfortable I had done for months.

I laboured for another three hours before it was time to push. Again, the midwives were so encouraging and coached me through and were telling me how great I was doing but the baby wasn’t for moving so the obstetrician came to assess me and we decided that an assisted delivery with forceps was needed. Another anaesthetist arrived to top up my epidural and we all had a lovely chat while it kicked in. The obstetrician was yet another amazing woman (there’s a theme here!) who I think was called Alex. I swore I would never forget her name and I’m so sorry I have!

The next part is a bit of a blur. The baby’s shoulder got stuck and suddenly the room filled with people, my partner had to hold my leg and turned grey while several people pushed and pulled at me inside and out to get the baby out. It all happened so quickly and then suddenly I had a baby! After talking to Alex the following day, I realised that having shoulder dystocia can be serious and I understood why getting the baby out so quickly was important. Despite the emergency button being pressed, and all the goings on, I felt completely safe and looked after throughout the delivery.

Because the delivery was quite traumatic, I ended up with an episiotomy and some tearing. I then got an infection at the episiotomy site and was given anti biotics. I don’t have another birth to compare mine too, but I was in extreme pain and practically unable to walk for 2/3 days. I spent two nights in a shared ward with three other women. I don’t know what I expected but if I could have walked, I would have walked out. It was hellish being in that room. I literally didn’t sleep for two days.

I was in despair with having real problems feeding. This could have a whole story of it’s own. The short version is that despite only being able to feed my baby three times over the five days I was in hospital, I was discharged with a completely unattainable feeding plan and told to just keep trying..  The message that was drummed into me was “the baby must be fed every three hours”. I just couldn’t understand how me or the baby were meant to get any rest at all because each feeding round (attempt to feed at both breasts, followed by feeding with syringe/cup followed by expressing on a double pump, then cleaning and preparing the pump for the next time) took up to 2.5 hours at a time. And that was with my partner doing absolutely everything he could to help with that process.. It was only when I got home and in despair phoned the NCT helpline after finishing a feed and needing to start another round within the next 30 mins that she explained that it’s the number of feeds in a day that is important. So the baby needed fed at least eight times. Eight times a day does translate to every three hours but that nuance in explanation made a world of difference to how we managed things. Also, after being told in hospital that nipple shields were to be avoided at all costs, I decided to try them at home and lo and behold, my baby fed from me every single time from then onwards. Further down the line, I wanted to try and stop using nipple shields and saw a private lactation consultant, who spent five hours with me, observing feeds and an having indepth discussions about what had been happening. She gave me different shields to use but said that the fact is that some women and babies need to use nipple shields. And me and my baby needed them. I’ve spoken to my health visitor about this and she agreed and just wishes that the policy in hospital reflected that need. If I’d continued without them and on the regime I’d been given when I was discharged, there is absolutely no way my baby would have been breast fed. I think at the absolute most, I would have expressed milk for the short term but then stopped. Expressing is so time consuming and the minutes/hours you spend doing it is all time that you’re not holding your baby and that is so tough.  I will add though that I got a lot of support from midwives and a midwifery care assistant while in hospital and they always said to press the call button if we needed them. When we did call though it often took so long for someone to get to us that we’d already tried and failed the breast feeding and were onto the next stage of the process. They always said to just keep going and we’d get there. I know there’s no “normal” when it comes to babies and feeding but of all the new mums I know who breast feed, they were all able to feed pretty much as soon as the baby was born. As I said, I only managed three feeds in five days and then was discharged without any support.

Back to the shared ward… there is no opportunity to rest at all. Three out of four of us had babies, the other poor women who was trapped in there with us was still pregnant and had to attempt to sleep in a room with three newborns. I therefore felt really bad every time my baby cried and was so conscious of trying to be as quiet as possible. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case for another lady who spent all day and night on her phone talking loudly. I assumed there were set visiting hours so that outside of those times there is the opportunity to rest/sleep where possible. It was impossible because of the noise coming from her. I ended up in tears on one of the midwives shoulders because I was in so much pain, totally exhausted and unable to get a moment of rest. She was sympathetic but the phone calls didn’t stop.

Despite night and day being one thing while in there, at 7am on the dot, someone came in and whipped open all the curtains without so much of a hello. The first time I was utterly shell shocked. I was lying on the bed with both my breasts out, struggling to try and feed a very hungry and stressed baby when all of a sudden I was in a room full of people. It was so undignified and I’d like to know the rationale behind that. I had to wait for my partner to arrive to pull the curtain back around me. He’d spent the night in reception. Due to extreme weather he couldn’t get home and wasn’t allowed back on to the ward to see me or the baby. A truly traumatic night for me, being unable to feed the baby and knowing my partner was so close by but unable to be there for us. It’s upsetting to think about it even know. They did explain that it wouldn’t be fair to the other women in the room to have a man in there overnight and I understand that rationale as it stands. But it’s at a juxtaposition with anyone and everyone being allowed into the room to make noise and see you vulnerable during the day. To me there’s no difference between night and day when you’ve just had a baby anyway.

I do know that a hospital isn’t a hotel and I didn’t expect to be cleaned up after as a matter of course but I also didn’t expect to have to clean up the bathroom before I was able to use it. I was really unsteady on my feet, in excruciating pain but still had to mop up someone else’s mess before I could have a shower.

After two nights in that room, mercifully I was moved to a private room. Of course I still had the feeding to do, and was still in huge amounts of pain and unable to walk but those rare moments when I could rest, it was possible to rest because I was allowed some peace. And my partner got to stay over. I was in hospital for five nights in total. I couldn’t not have done it alone if my partner hadn’t been able to stay.

I couldn’t write my story without a mention of the food. I have no idea how you’re meant to feel healthy when the food you’re given is pure stodge. The most nutritious thing I managed to order was a side of carrots. The “salad” I ordered once was a pile of orzo pasta. I honestly can’t believe how unhealthy it was. There was a complete lack of fibre and after giving birth, you need fibre. It seems at odds to be taking a laxative with a plate of macaroni cheese! Luckily marks and spencer is on site so most of my meals came from there. How is the food decided?

I was so sick of being in hospital that I asked to leave after five nights despite still requiring strong painkillers. I’d spoken to the Dr who agreed to give me the stronger pain relief to take home but when it came to discharge, the midwife gave me paracetamol and ibuprofen then made a big deal of me asking for stronger relief (which the Dr had suggested!). I found myself having to explain why I needed them. I told her I had an infected hematoma which made me feel sick with pain. She said, and I’ll never forget this, yes, I know you have a bruise. She also lectured me and my partner (non smokers) about not smoking near the baby while smelling of smoke herself. She has every right to smoke but if she’s telling me it’s dangerous for babies to be around smoke and people who have smoked, then I do not want her coming in from a cigarette break and picking up my precious baby.  If only I wasn’t completely worn down, exhausted and traumatised I would have definitely been more assertive with her but as it was, I let her belittle me.

I think I’ve covered most of the things I wanted to say. I just wanted to tell you my story to provide some feedback which will hopefully make a wee bit of a difference.  I want to reiterate my gratitude for the NHS and the amazing services that we have available to us. I have a perfect wee baby who makes me smile and laugh every single day and without the service and staff at NHS Lothian, I wouldn’t. You couldn’t give a grea