"Care of a dying relative"

My Mam passed away in he University Hospital of North Tees over Christmas 2017.

On the day of admission (Christmas Eve) to the hospital my dad was informed in a rather callous manner that Mam was not for resuscitation and would not be accepted into ICU under any circumstances. 

When I arrived at the hospital Mam was in the Resuscitation bay of A&E being treated for her condition although I understood the reason for not resuscitation if her heart stopped.

For two days we watched Mam deteriorate in the emergency assessment unit and we were given some comfort from the nursing staff. A couple of nurses were particularly compassionate. 

Two consultants saw Mam and were excellent particularly the one who saw her on the day she passed away. 

However at one point a porter burst into mam’s room in the middle of the night to take her to another ward. After some challenge from us he realised that he had the wrong room and promptly left without an apology for disturbing us.

We knew she was dying but no one would commit to tell us this and move her to a quiet place to pass away peacefully she was left in an understaffed, extremely busy EAU. Staff did not have the time to care for us as a family nor Mam as a dying patient. 

Mam had a skin condition on her bottom and because of this the nurses were trying to get her transferred into an airflow mattress thinking it was pressure damage. However they were not repositioning Mam regularly so even with an airflow mattress pressure damage would not be prevented or managed adequately. It was only when a family member pointed out Mam had a skin condition and that the redness was due to this the nurses realised what they were trying to do was cruel to transfer Mam ‘just to tick a box’. Despite knowing it was a skin condition the ward staff insisted that photographs were taken.

On the day mam passed away a fabulous female consultant came and spoke with me and my sister to tell us that she felt Mam was not going to make it. We will be eternally grateful to this doctor for her compassionate caring, courageous and honest conversation with us. She confirmed in the nicest possible way what we already knew. 

After allowing my sister and I to wash and dress Mam her treatment was withdrawn and all lines etc were removed by the nursing staff.

That was the last time we saw the nursing staff until Mam slipped away peacefully some four hours later. We were not offered any kind words, refreshments or advice of what to do. A family member informed the nurse when Mam passed away. She was told to go back into the room and the nurse with the doctor would come in shortly to see us. 

The next time the door opened was by a staff nurse who happily asked us ‘what does she want for tea?’ This was 90 minutes following us informing the staff that Mam had passed away. The nurse scurried away offering a febrile apology for her actions. At this point a family member left the room to find the nurse who was supposed to be looking after Mam. After another 20 minutes or so a nurse and doctor entered the room, asking us to leave whilst they certified Mam’s death. 

We were allowed back into the room to say our final goodbyes to Mam before we left the hospital. 

After seeing Mam again we had to go back to find a nurse and ask her what we needed to do next. Information was given to us and we left.

We felt very let down by the staff on the ward on several levels although acknowledge that the EAU is not the best place for a person to pass away due to the busy nature of this unit. 

Our experience running up to and after mam’s passing was very traumatic for us particularly as it was so sudden.