"Could do better"

I was admitted to the Bradgate Unit in March 2017. Although my understanding was that I was going voluntarily this was not the perception of Hospital staff and I was retained under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act. Whilst the standard of care that I received was 'adequate' there was little evidence of accurate reporting of what my thoughts and concerns as evidenced in my Medical Records that have recently been released to me. These records may be accurate from the perspective of the person that wrote them, but this does not correspond to my recollection of events. Events that were important to me - such as being force fed and medicated against my will - are put down blandly as 'requiring assistance to eat'. That is not what it feels like to be treated worse than an animal.

Also my concerns about going to hospital - mainly relating to a bad experience when I was a teenager in Glasgow. I was admitted to an Eye ward for treatment of Iritis. This was being well controlled and the ward that I was in was quiet. However an older patient who was clearly suffering from severe mental health problems was admitted to the ward. His behaviour and its uncertainty was very stressing to me. For example he always left the communal toilet areas in a complete mess, particularly at night, when he would wander the ward muttering. This may not seem much to those that have to deal with such issues on a daily basis. But as a child it was very disturbing and I doubt would be tolerated today.

Admission to the hospital consequently far from being a help, was psycholigically immensely damaging to me, and was what pushed me over into a much deeper and more traumatic experience. There were several factors which further exacerbated and did not help. There appeared to be a high reliance on students and contract staff, all of which wore different uniforms to the permanent staff. I found this confusing and unsettling. Likewise for my medication. No one as far as I can recollect told me what drugs I was on and why. Such small steps would have helped to build confidence and to settle me.

There are other simple things that could change for the better. Outside of my room in the hospital was a small area of garden and a fence upon which a mural had been painted (I learned later that this was thought to have been done by previous patients some time ago). The mural was a reflection on the Bosworth Ward and its link to the Battle of Bosworth. Such a mural was however deeply unsettling for me in my condition. This may seem like a flight of phantasy but the Battle of Bosworth as you may know was a fight between two kingdoms. In my mind this took on the context of a fight between Good and Evil - which needed calming in my situation not further exacerbating.

I can understand the difficult position that staff (nursing and clinical) have to deal with, including at times aggressive behaviour from some patients. But a genuine interest in the patient as a person would be helpful.