"Feel like an inconvenience"

It can take hours to get through. I try to make an appointment as I'm not managing my mental health illness well at all at the moment and given appointment weeks sometimes months ahead. No question as to why I'm calling or how urgent. I've been on the brink of suicide for a while but has recently spiralled out of control. I'm then told if I need an appointment sooner to call at 8. But by 10, I still haven't gotten through.

So I just wait... keep suffering, my family suffers. Today i get to my appointment. I felt like an inconvenience & was all very blah blah blah on my part. "Well what do you want to take", "you only took it for a month".

I've had this all my life.

It takes a lot for me to ask for help, I start crying but there's no compassion, there's no intimacy to relate or understand. We'll try these pills... I want help, I need to know what's right for me, how I can take control. I just want to be normal like everyone else. I don't want a panic attack when I go to my sons nativity and have to take a chaperone. I want to be able to go shopping & not freak out. I want to be proud of my home again & have the will to clean and iron. I want to remember what it is to cook. I want to not starve myself or make myself so anxious to not make myself sick. I want to be excited I just got an amazing new job but instead cried about how I'll fail. I'm paranoid, I push my love away, I cause arguments. I'm slowly losing myself and those who love me. Either way "take these" and give this post it note to reception and off I go. Well now they were an absolute shock of miserableness! (If there is such a word). Well you can't see a councillor until February. In front of everyone. I simply just remarked how friendly everyone was. I've taken an appointment over 2 months away because I've no choice.

I may not have cancer or having a heart attack but my illness is just as important to those who have to live with it. These are supposed to be our support & care network. But I've just left feeling worthless and a massive pain & waste of time. I'm really sorry I made you feel like that and my problems are insignificant. I really am... I'm sorry I've wasted your time or time that could have been spent with someone who has a cold or something much more important. I need to register at a new doctors or I will have to end my time completely. If you can't turn to those paid to help then who can you turn to. Congratulations - you're as narrow minded as the rest of society & because of people like you, so many of us lose our will to fight.