"First midwife appointment"

I was around ten weeks pregnant at the time when I received the most unfair, un-empathetic and discriminatory treatment, on my first appointment from the midwife in question.

I booked my appointment (via phone) directly with the practice in March. I had been given an appointment for 16: 00 in early April. On the day, my husband and I arrived to the appointment 10 min before 16: 00. Both my husband and I left work early to ensure that we would be there on time. We were eventually called to the appointment room after an hour waiting, we walked in to the consultation room with the assistant (who had introduced herself on the way to the consultation room) and the midwife was sat with her back turned to us looking at the computer screen. She did not turn around, say hello or introduce herself. I sat in the row of chairs next to her desk together with my husband and I said that I was really disappointed as I had to wait an hour. Her reply to me that this wasn’t her fault as they had an emergency. Without introducing herself, she asked me if I had my pregnancy diary. I replied ‘what sort of diary? ’ After that, in a condescending tone, she said I had obviously booked the wrong appointment. I advised her that I had booked the appointment over the phone and instead of apologising for the mistake – on behalf of the practice - she continually stated that it definitely wasn’t her fault and that it would have been the receptionists fault so I should blame them.

At that point, I became really upset as I felt she was being arrogant and rude towards me and I couldn’t understand why. She then asked me where I was  from. I replied that I lived locally. She then said no, my accent is not Scottish and where was I actually from.I was embarrassed and asked her how that question was relevant at this appointment. She then continued in an abrupt manner to tell us it was relevant because there is a form she had to complete where it asks for my ethnicity. At that point I said ‘okay, I am from Poland’. She then turned to my husband and said ‘You? ! You Polish too? ! ’ To which he replied ‘no, I am Scottish’. She had no idea who this man next to me was, but her first question to him was is he Polish too? At that point, I felt like I was going to burst into tears as I couldn’t understand her antagonistic attitude towards me.

I have never been treated in this way. I have lived in Scotland for 12 years and within that time worked in the Civil Service for 10 years. I have never felt discriminated until that day. It was horrible, embarrassing and something I never wish to experience again. It was supposed to be my first very special appointment. We tried for this baby with my husband for three years and it is our first child.

I came to the appointment with a notepad filled with questions and whilst still nervously rolling it in my hand and trying to hold back my tears, she said to me because I was booked the wrong appointment, she had no time to go over the form with me so I needed to book another appointment/.

I wanted this appointment to end as soon as possible. I said to her I had waited an hour for this appointment so could we not at least try to complete it? She then said it is not her fault that I had to wait, but don’t worry, she will just book me a scan as she was sure that is all I came for. Again, this upset me. I didn’t just come to the appointment for a scan – far from it. I came with various questions and to make sure the baby would be okay, but she was clearly not interested in assisting us.

I felt like I was going to collapse, but I still found the courage to reply to her saying that I was looking to deliver my baby in a Glasgow hospital. She then, in what I considered an angry tone of voice, replied that It didn’t matter, I can still go for a scan to Irvine hospital.  I said I would rather have a scan in the same hospital where I plan to give birth. At this point she became clearly frustrated and said that she would need to complete another form and had no idea what form it would be and that she didn’t have time to do it.

At that point, I just wanted to leave the room and never see this person again. I said ‘ok, I suppose there is no point for us to carry this any longer then? ’ She said yes and to call he once I have decide where I want to give birth. She still hadn’t asked me if I had any questions, how I felt; she didn’t offer me a single leaflet. I was leaving the room with no information or advice that I was desperately looking for. When I was leaving the room I asked her for her name. She replied with her name and a grin.

My husband drove me home. I cried all the way in the car as I couldn’t understand why this person who never met me and didn’t know anything about me had such a horrible attitude towards me. She even failed to acknowledge the presence of my husband who sat all this time next to me in the room. Despite knowing that it was my first appointment she did not even given me a single leaflet with some basic information. Someone who should represent values of fairness, empathy and equality was everything opposite. As soon as I left the room I knew I could never come back there.

I have since moved to another medical practice and the midwife who got in touch with me could not be more helpful. She organised me a referral form to the hospital of my choice over the phone, to save me time driving from work. She also explained to me that the advice I was given on my first appointment was incorrect when the midwife said I could still have a scan in the local hospital and then move to another to give birth. If that happened and I went for that scan I would have not been able then to move to the hospital of my choice. The form took just 5 min over the phone and the midwife explained to me the background to all sensitive questions. I have since had my first scan and saw my beautiful baby – I couldn’t be happier. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about my first appointment and the person who could have potentially cause so much harm to me, had I been a vulnerable person, or anyone else who can’t defend themselves. This person should be their support in such a special time in their life.