"My life threatening illness after c-section"

I went through every emotion there was over the 3 weeks I spent in hospital. I was overjoyed at becoming a mum again but disappointed the birth yet again did not go to plan. This soon turned into panic when I knew I was ill but had nobody listening. To feel seriously ill and be in the one place that's supposed to look after you yet every single person you've expressed your concern to has dismissed you is sort of like being in a horror film. There were times when I genuinely thought I wasn't going to see my kids grow up. At times I felt patronised by the ignorance of certain staff members and there were times I just felt downright offended. I missed home and I missed family. It literally felt like a prison sentence and this is supposed to be a caring place where your trying to recover and yet I have never felt more stressed out than I did in that hospital in my life. The fact that I'd just had a newborn baby had to take a backseat because I couldn't enjoy it which racked me with guilt and sadness, due to everything else around me occupying my thoughts 24/7 (when I wasn't on a different planet because of the drugs) I didn't get a chance to bond with my baby. I felt as though I'd just been handed this baby and had to do what I needed to do to look after them.

It started with an emergency c section due to 16 hours of induced labour with slow progression the doctors were concerned of scar rupture after already having had a previous emergency c section (the very first time I felt majorly let down by the nhs). I had a glance at my beautiful baby for a few seconds over the curtain once they had been delivered but I soon became aware I did not feel right. I expressed this to the anaesthetist who had cited my spinal and my epidural as they were behind my head throughout the whole operation and they continued to dismiss me.

It felt like the stitching up part went on forever, throughout which my baby had been sent off with her dad to wait for me in recovery and I was left feeling scared and alone. Eventually I was wheeled into recovery and it became immediately apparent to me that somethings was wrong. The left side of my face including my eye had fallen- physically drooped. My first thought was a stroke and I immediately began asking what's wrong with me? For almost five minutes the midwife and nurses just stood looking at me. From their expressions I saw they were worried but I almost felt like they weren't worried about what they should be but rather was this my fault? It was at this point that I noticed the beeping machine next to me that a nurse was monitoring was getting faster and faster. That was my blood pressure which had been steadily increasing since I came out of theatre and the reason as to why I didn't feel right.

After what felt like half an hour of nurses telling me "not to worry" and "try to relax although we've never seen this before" the anaesthetist arrived as there were no doctors available. They stood there with the same expression I'd seen over and after completing tasks used to determine whether you've had a stroke, the only explanation that was given to me was that because they cited the epidural slightly higher than normal they "may have triggered a nerve to go a bit funny". After about an hour of feeling too unwell to hold my baby my eye had returned back to normal and my blood pressure had stabilised allowing me to finally have contact and hold my baby for the first time. To feed my baby, to count their fingers and toes, to see their eyes and expressions.

I was moved to the ward the following day and I was extremely well in myself. I was disappointed I hadn't got the birth I'd planned for but considering I'd had a major operation and was aware of the pain and all the rest that comes along with it I was able to get up and move around. I even managed a shower and then by evening visiting time I began to feel unwell again. Around 8pm I rang the buzzer to complain that I'd had a severe headache for a while and a stomach ache that did not feel muscular or related to the c section. I was told pain relief would be brought to me - which it was, by this point the pain had already worsened and even after waiting 20minutes for the medication to worse the pain had continued to increase.

Again I called for a midwife. I have a high pain threshold but I was being pushed to my limits and was told that I couldn't have any more pain relief. By this point I was literally groaning in agony. When I physically couldn't breathe in because the pain was that excruciating I called the nurse again. I was screaming in agony and yet despite this they insisted a doctor was on the way. This was four hours after I'd first complained of symptoms that were indicative of sepsis. I think that these should have been picked up on straightaway.

I demanded they call a paramedic. Anybody. I made the nurse ring my partner to come back regardless of visiting times being over as I was terrified. I was the one that despite all of this going on I had to request to be moved to a private room as everyone could hear everything. Eventually I was moved to a side room and a doctor came to sanction morphine.. Which still did not even touch the pain or give answers as to what was wrong with me. What felt like an eternity went by before I was wheeled down to hdu where I was given morphine through an IV and spent I don't know how long pretty much comatosed due to the strength of the drugs. I remember a doctor/consultant come in and only then was the first mention of sepsis.

After a few days on hdu I was admitted back to the ward again where I spent a few more days on antibiotics before I started to feel better. I was desperate to go home and after being told it was a possibility I could leave that day the consultant then said due to changing the antibiotics from IV to oral they wanted to keep me in for another 24hours to make sure I didn't spike a temperature. I asked - to double check, the temperature monitoring was the only reason they wanted me to stay to which it was confirmed and so I took it upon myself to self discharge. I was told it was against advice and the consultant got very short with me before leaving abruptly. But as I felt so much better and all I had was some normal foot swelling I was happy with my decision.

This soon changed. When the nurse came to hand me my discharge papers I showed her that my feet and ankles had ballooned in size. Despite looking at the sudden severe swelling they told me swelling was normal and to just put my feet up when I got home. Despite my concerns I went home as the health professional had told me it was normal. I was sent home with a bottle of antibiotics and was told they had ran out of pain relief and so couldn't send me home with any. On the journey home besides feeling anxious I started to have that horrible feeling again that something wasn't right. I got home and sat down but the chair became increasingly uncomfortable - the more Ill I got. I got into bed and was too terrified to go to sleep because I genuinely believed if I shut my eyes I wouldn't wake up again.

I drifted off, my partner woke me to show the baby off to me and when I tried to look I could see three of them. Naively we put it down to all the medication I had been on. Throughout the night I dozed in and out of consciousness. I was waking up confused, not making sense with things I was saying, things I don't even recall saying. In the morning I knew I had to go back to hospital. My stomach was solid, to touch it felt like it was full of concrete and the heaviness of it was debilitating. It was hot to touch and what had been a small bruise the night before had spread across the whole area. As I was on the phone to the hospital the district nurse arrived and told me to go straight back to hospital and to tell them you have sepsis and need urgent treatment. I could barely walk yet somehow made it back to the hospital. I said exactly what I'd been told to to the receptionist and yet was told to "take a seat you'll be seen shortly".

I was aware people were looking at me due to me swaying from the dizziness, I was sweating and the lights hurt my eyes and my breathing felt different. When my partner rushed in with the baby after finding a space to park he was astonished I was slumped in the waiting room. He went straight to the receptionists and confronted them. Their response was yes QUERY sepsis, his reply was query? No. She has already been diagnosed and has been sent back in for immediate medical attention. At this point a buzzer was pressed and I was suddenly back hooked up to drips and monitors. Having a cannula sited wasn't even a straight forward procedure due to the fact that all of my accessible veins had collapsed or disappeared due to the many other canulas I'd had during my stay. I was covered in bruises and scabs. So from then on everytime I needed a new cannula for the IV antibiotics to be administered a doctor or aneathatist was called to do it.

After a few days on the high dependancy unit I was once again transferred to ward 4. To start with I had a private side room where I was as comfortable as can be given the circumstances until just after visiting and just after I'd got my baby settled I was asked if I could give up my bed. I said I didn't really want to and it was a lot for me to have to upheave at that time of night and yet I felt I was guilt tripped into moving for a woman who couldn't have her baby stay with her. From here on I witnessed a woman that I do not believe was fit to look after her child as she was in that much of a deep sleep she had not noticed her baby had vomited and was choking on their own sick. I along with another patient opposite called the buzzer for a midwife to come. The baby was cleaned up, the woman remained asleep.

I encountered a young second time mom that for the remainder of her stay refused to shower, bled all over her only clothes she had and left her baby screaming with hunger constantly as she only had a small carton of formula which she was trying to save. When she was discharged and the cleaners came to change the bed they and the rest of the room were disgusted to find a pile of blood soaked towels that had been stashed under the bed and left to stink. In what I found to be a completely unprofessional manner staff then proceeded to talk about the young mum and her personal situation with other patients in the room. Then it was my turn to endure more.

It was the final night of my IV antibiotics and the cannula being used was over the 72 hours recommended for use. Because I only had one more set of IVs (two large bags of antibiotics that were that strong it was painful enough when having them administered) the decision was made that they would leave that cannula in place (because it would be too long to wait for a doctor or anaesthetist to come and site another). Needless to say the pain was excruciating. Enough to reduce me to tears. I explained to the midwife/nurse that was administering them how painful it was and they said it would be over soon. An hour later and they were finally finished. My arm was throbbing and I was still in tears and yet when removing the cannula the midwife deliberately smacked my arm right on the spot of the cannula in a sympathetic "there there" kind of way. I flinched with pain and looked at them puzzled as to why they would do something like that after seeing me in pain and witnessing the swelling on my arm the size of a bicep. They chuckled and said oh silly me.

Early that morning I got up to go to the bathroom - one that was across the other side of the ward (doesn't sound or look like a big walk unless you think about the fact that half of us on the ward had had major operations and could barely walk around our beds without pain). My stomach had been tender and hot the previous day. As I lifted my extremely swollen stomach to check the c section area was clean and dry it burst and the bathroom was left covered in an offensive liquid that was leaking from it. I was in shock as I wasn't sure how dangerous this was and I was in pain. I pulled the emergency buzzer and nurses came straight away (something that rarely happened).

I couldn't bend because it was that uncomfortable and the force of the liquid pouring out of the hole and pooling into my underwear caused them to fall. I was left humiliated and scared. But was told to clean myself up and wait on my bed for it to be dressed. In terms of cleaning myself up all I could do was throw my underwear away and grab a bunch of paper towels to hold on the area just so that I could make it back to my bed without leaving a trail of mess behind me. I'm just grateful it wasn't visiting times. In the hall the same midwife that had administered my last cannula was there. I told them someone needed to clean the toilet as it was not fit for use due to my accident. Their response was put out, as if I should have cleaned it up. I said I couldn't and they tutted and said it would need to be closed then. It was at this point that one of the other midwives (one of only two midwives during my hole stay that I can actually say were genuine and wanted to help me) said that the toilet couldn't be shut as it was the only one working on the ward due to the other one still being blocked and so somebody would need to go and mop up the mess.

Half an hour I was lay on my bed with an open, seeping wound leaving me susceptible to infection yet again. When the midwife poked her head round the curtain (the one that had helped me before) they were shocked to see me lying there in such a state and asked where the other midwife was and why they hadn't attended to me yet. I said they'd told me they were finishing the drug round first and at that point they said no that's not on. They went to find them and I heard her in the hallway saying no you shouldn't be leaving her like that for so long, you need to go and dress it straightaway.

Although this is an extremely long read this still was not the full story. It's over 2 months on now and I am still left with a 3. 5cm hole in my stomach that is still leaking exudate needing medical attention every day. There were a blunder of errors made after my hospital stay. I was sent home the same day the scar had burst as the consultant said the cavity was not deep enough to need packing. Despite an ultrasound the cavity actually turned out to be 5cm deep not the 2 they'd originally said it was. I was given four dressings which were used up within half a day due to the amount of exudate leaking and when I requested extra bandages and supplies I was told I needed to see my gp. Considering the severity of my illness I was sent home with no medication I needed because their pharmacy was closed. This resulted in me being without crucial antibiotics and injections. Which could have potentially seen me in hospital again.

There really were so many other things I had to endure on my stay that this story is still far from over. I genuinely am disgusted with the level of care I have received from not only the midwives/doctors and consultants at the hospital but also the district nurses "handling" my care post natal. I am still not fully recovered and now I'm also left with nightmares and anxiety problems due to everything I've been through. It's a joke to think that I chose to be referred to have my baby here due to being let down by heartlands hospital with my child the first time round, only for it to turn into even more of a nightmare. I really want my story heard as things need to change. Having a baby is supposed to be one of the most amazing times of your life and for the second time mine was completely ruined.