"Initially good experience, but post-birth care was traumatic"

I started getting contractions at 1. 15 in the morning but unfortunately they did not become close enough together to be admitted to MLU until my waters broke the evening 2 days later. During this time I had little to no rest or sleep so was already exhausted by the time I got to this stage.

When I arrived at the hospital I felt like I needed to push but was told I wasn't dilated enough so got in the birthing pool and used gas and air until the contractions became uncontrollable and I had to push. The midwife caring for me in the MLU was lovely and very patient. In the end I was pushing for 2. 5 hours in and out of the pool and getting nowhere to the point baby and I were getting distressed and tired so I was eventually taken downstairs for intervention.

The decision was made to perform an episiotomy and forceps aided delivery. Initially my husband was shoved in the corner of the theatre and not really informed of what was happening until the anaesthetist asked for someone to give him a seat by my head. I cannot praise her enough, very matter of fact, honest and clear in what she was telling us, I know my husband felt at ease having her in the room as he felt nobody else was communicating with him and he was quite rightly worried about both of us.

The midwife who took me to recovery afterwards was wonderful, very calm and comforting as I was still a little in shock. My husband, having been awake for 48 hours at this point asked if it would be OK to go home for a few hours sleep, to which he was told it was recommended, but he made a point of asking if I would be looked after on the ward in his absence, which he was told was the case. As I couldn't feel my legs the midwife changed and fed my baby for me and gave me my tea and toast, which was as good as everyone says it is after such an experience.

Sadly however as soon as I was taken up to Gloucester Ward my experience changed. I was wheeled into an end section of the ward and pretty much left to my own devices. I had a catheter and it took a few hours for the feeling in my legs to return but nobody came in to check on me, I wasn't told where anything was (toilets for example) and couldn't lean over to pick up the baby so in the end when he cried I pressed the buzzer and a midwife came through asking who was ringing the buzzer and what did I want in what I thought was a rather dismissive manner. I said I thought he needed his nappy changing and asked if they could help me as I'd never done one before.

Instead of showing me what to do they plonked my baby between my legs, handed me some wipes and a clean nappy and said "there you go" before disappearing. I was worried about dropping him so pressed the button again and asked them to help but they just stood and watched me struggle with him then put him back in his bed and went away again. For a new mother, partner not around, and somewhat shell shocked from the birth, this was quite a traumatic exchange in all honesty.

A little while later I pressed the button again as I had started to get feeling back in my legs and wondered if I needed to get up. The same midwife came back, again with the same impatient attitude and asked what I wanted. I asked if I was ok to get up and go to the toilet, to which their response was "of course, we need you to start moving around as soon as possible". Again, I reiterate, nobody had told me when I could get up and what to do about the catheter etc, considering I'd never had a spinal block or catheter before!

Eventually they helped me out of bed and to the bathroom and removed the catheter, then went away. Fortunately my husband returned in the afternoon as I hadn't had anything to eat and was starting to get upset - the mothers who were breastfeeding seemed to be getting a lot of assistance whereas I was left on my own and only saw someone when my vitals needed doing or for medication. Medication was only paracetamol and ibuprofen, which in all honesty barely touched the pain. As codeine makes me sick I wasn't offered anything else despite my anaesthetist telling the midwife downstairs that I could and should have it if I was given anti sickness medication at the same time.

Throughout my stay all other mothers were breastfeeding and midwives were forever popping in and out, checking on them, giving them advice and assistance. I understand some had had c sections so we're a little less mobile than me, but at one point I had to actually ask why I was still there as I felt I would have been more comfortable at home. I couldn't sit comfortably on the bed or the chair, and when I mentioned the pain I was made to feel like I was being dramatic.

The next day I was told I could be discharged so the process was started and I asked if I could go for a shower. I was told not until I had some breakfast in case I had low blood sugar and passed out in the heat. It was already about 8. 30 at this point so I waited, and waited, and then my husband arrived at 10. 30 and still no breakfast had been brought around. At 11. 30 a new lady was brought in next to me and I overheard her being told where the toilets etc were, and that there was a kitchen opposite the nurses station where she could get tea and toast etc - nobody told me this when I arrived, so I spent the whole time not knowing I could have helped myself! In the end I decided to get dressed and wait to be discharged so I could shower at home.

When I was being discharged I told the midwife that I had asked several times what had been done down below during delivery and how to care for my stitches when I got home but everyone I asked had fobbed me off like I was asking a stupid question. Fortunately she took the time to stop and speak to me, explained exactly what an episiotomy is, what my wound would be like, how to care for it when I got home and how to manage the pain/moving around. This was a very quick and simple conversation so I cannot understand why nobody had had it with me before.

When I got home I read up a bit about what should have happened while I was on the ward and I am disappointed as I feel I was not given the attention that others may have received. My understanding is that someone should have checked we were OK with feeding before we left (we had one brief conversation on the first morning about baby not taking much formula, nobody watched me feed him), I don't feel this was covered adequately. It also says we should be sent home feeling able to care independently for our baby; I also didn't feel supported in this. The discharge process just felt like a box ticking exercise.

All in all, I feel rather traumatised by the whole experience. I understand the team are incredibly busy and overstretched so don't have time to deal with individual needs, it certainly isn't a hotel, but as a first time mother with no experience with babies I felt unsupported and am now starting out with a certain degree of anxiety, when all I was hoping for was a little reassurance during my initial recovery.