"This is just the beginning of the rest of my life"

Hello everyone,

First of all my say thank you for taking time to read my story. Acceptance is a key factor and has been my hardest battle with my recovery and writing my story down finally in its entirety is the final chapter.

So here goes:

On 1st Feb 2016 (1 year ago today), whilst I was at the gym. 40 mins in to my workout with my personal trainer, I had the start of what turned out to be a heart attack.

Chest tightness across the front and back, breathlessness and felt physically drained. I was struggling with my workout, not unusual you'd say but this was a low impact workout to encourage weightless.

I discussed how I was feeling with my personal trainer and together we decided I was probably just tired from the drive to Cambridge and back, having spent the day with my sister as well as having had a late night.

I continued with my workout and 20 mins later I finished, still with chest/back tightness and breathlessness - a good workout! During the next 30 mins my symptoms did not go away and in fact they got worse. As I was leaving the gym and like most stubborn nurses decided to drive myself to A & E whilst trying to keep my composure.

When I arrived in A & E (Which was heaving) I had been in pain for over an hour and I could hardly speak I was so breathless. Once I had finally registered and had been taken in to majors to be assessed it became clear that this wasn't indigestion from the banana I ate 2hrs ago and might actually be - well not good news!

When my husband arrived I was starting to lose my composure, so I was very thankful he was in the country. I was trying to keep calm knowing I was in the right place but really I wanted to scream WTF!

When after my x-ray they then took me through to resus the panic really set in. You see I knew what this meant!

My history: I was 45yrs old, married with a daughter of 4yrs. I am a qualified nurse who has had many years’ experience in the NHS and I've had critical care and A&E experience - so I knew I was in trouble.

In resus I was greeted by the cardiac outreach specialist nurse who continued to monitor me, give me pain relief and who discussed my case with the cardiologist who arranged for my angiogram as an emergency.

This experience was terrifying - lying there on the table gowned up, crying but trying to keep cool knowing they were in my heart! My actual heart trying to work out what was going on.

Afterwards I was taken to coronary care unit where I was greeted by my husband and my sister. I had a horrid night filled with pain and uncertainty and trying to be brave and not bother anyone. Gosh us nurses make terrible patients! The following day we were given the news I had had a heart attack but they didn't know why......

WHAT you say? Well the angiography had shown that I had no evidence of heart disease, my arteries were clear of plaques and clots. Even the ultrasound inside my arteries showed nothing (good news) - nothing to treat. My heart function was good but there was some damage (an anomaly - hypokensia) to the left ventricle.

We were confused, "so she's not had a heart attack? " Asked my husband. My cardiologist then said "let's get this clear, she has had a heart attack".

So I spent a week in hospital and a few months recovering at home. I returned to work on a phased return following completion of my cardiac rehab programme.

I had further investigations and the basic answers are that I had a heart attack of unknown cause. The cardiologist suspect is was coronary artery spasm although they won't actually diagnosis this. All I know is what they have told me, that this was a spontaneous attack that is unrelated to my weight, exercise and could have happened to me at any time or anywhere.

This year has flown by and I feel that majority of it has been lost to me as I have concentrated on just being normal and getting on with it. Well after all there isn't anything wrong with my vessels! This has been the hardest battle for me because for a long time I was angry, scared and couldn't get my head around it. I have just finished my counselling and feel only now that I have reached that light at the end of the tunnel.

So it only seems right and fitting that I remember the folks who helped me on my road to recovery and during my acute phase.

There have been many people involved in my care and with my case and it has been an impossible task to remember everyone’s names. So please forgive me if I can't remember your names correctly but please know that you made a lasting impression on me.

As a nurse and a care giver it is so often rare that we get thanked personally and rarer still do we hear the positive stories.

Here they are:

My first contact was the receptionist who ignored the queue behind me to get help quickly - my biggest thanks I was holding on by a thread and you saw that xx

A&E: Dr Oke, RGN Sharon. HCSW Stephanie.

Resus: RGN Stacey

Cardiac Specialist Nurses - Outreach: Mel, Vicki, Maria.

Angio: Dr Jokhi and his team.

Cardiologist: Dr Lee

Special thanks to Dr Jokhi and Dr Lee who spent a long time answering my many questions and supporting my family and myself through this traumatic event.

CCU/CSSU/Johnson: Now I am not sure I remember the names of the 2 nurses who looked after me on my first night (sorry) but god bless you because that pain relief made 45mins sleep feel like 6 hours!

Night duty nurses: RGN Amber and RGN Jason and Lyndsey.

Day nurses: RGN Lee and HCSW Jess. And my saving grace was RGN Debbie (who was due to retire that week), who spent some of her very valuable time with me talking about my fears at length.

Community Cardiac rehab team: Mo - thank you for everything and helping me pick up the pieces and for referring me for counselling. X

So there you have it a year ago I suffered a heart attack but today I am almost back to myself. New job, back in the gym and last week even started running again.

There many different ways of having a heart attack and even as an experienced nurse I did not appreciate this. Women present in different ways and my type of pain (tight band across top of chest and back) is quite common.

This experience made me aware of how sudden life changing events can affect our patients. I won't ever forget those who looked after me and words cannot express my gratitude. You all have a special place in my memory.

This April I will be running the Lincoln 10k to raise funds for British Heart Foundation and for Cardiac Rehab - so wish me luck.

Thank you for reading my story I know it is lengthy. This is just the beginning of the rest of my life for me. Please remember those who have been on this road for much longer.

Many thanks