"Still Traumatised by Treatment from..."

First off, I'd like to state that the nursery nursers were all 5* and some of the nurses were good too. My problem lies with three or four of the nurses and health assistants I came into contact with who I can only describe as 'bullies.' After an emergency c section under general anaesthesia, due to a breach, premature baby with a ruptured sac, I was moved to transistional care and put on a morphine drip. When I came to, I was very disorientated and confused as to why my baby had a nose tube, as no one bothered to explain to me it was to feed him. I had no warning I was going to have a premature baby so had no idea that he would not be able to latch, as happened to be the case with mine.On top of this I was a first time mum, and although I immediately bonded with my baby, I unfortunately couldn't move a muscle after the c section.

I had gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy and this didn't help matters. I felt that I was immediately judged on my weight, and also because I had a history of drug use, over three years prior to falling pregnant.

I feel the nurses latched onto this fact, and the fact I could not move, and jumped to conclusions after just two days that I was an incapable mother. This is despite the fact that we were on the ward presumably so they could help 'transition' us to health. And also my partner who had two children prior was by my and my infant's side the whole time and was super efficient about feeding and changing my baby - something i wanted to do but physically could not move. I felt so upset and helpless that I had a panic attack after one of the nurses would not help me plug my phone in to charge. I wanted to call my parents who lived overseas. I was told this was against hospital rules, but when they saw me get upset they allowed it saying 'if the hospital burns down, it's on my head'. then when i responded 'ok fine' they reported me to the ward manager as behaving child like. They then reported me to social services when my son was 2 days old. They didn't tell me they'd done so, but I got a call in hospital, while i was trying to recover so I could get well to care for my baby. Even though i was on the ward for 2 weeks, i was only offered a private room for the last night of my stay. I was made to feel like a burden and an imposition. I was definitely not treated with dignity. It was a living hell. Only when i was able to return home, did things improve. I met with social services and they could see my home and my child were both very well looiked after and the case was immediately dismisses. I will never forget this terrible experience, and it's put me off having further children while living in this area.