"Mental Health Line"

This line is run by my MH trust, supposedly for people in crisis or needing support out of hours.

Firstly, the line is often busy. I can try several times a day and not get through.

When I do get to speak to someone this can help. Unfortunately I have had a lot of dismissal, invalidation, and condescension.

If I say that MH services have been less than helpful, they are defended. I have felt not given the space to talk about what I need to, but talked at, and asked irrelevant questions eg what did I do today.

I try to open up and speak to these people. Sometimes I can’t speak and just hang up. It’s not intended to be a nuisance call. Sometimes I am distressed, and although I am never abusive (I don’t personally insult them or swear etc) I might be ranty, not very coherent, angry or in tears. This is human. I feel that this is met with discipline, like being told to calm down or even hung up on. I feel I’m either not in a state to speak at all, or sound fine, perfectly calm and composed.

Some time ago, I complained about a staff member. I had been so distressed I was unable to speak. This sometimes happens. I don’t call intending to do this - I can't physically get the words out. Given a little time and no pressure, I will do so. The Samaritans seem to understand this. A mental health helpline seemingly cannot. This staff member said in a very aggressive and impatient tone, Can you speak please followed by If you’re not going to speak, don’t bother ringing. I didn’t bother continuing the call. I eventually got a letter saying the staff member denied saying this and I felt implying I was lying. Why I would make this up I do not know. To be called a liar is incredibly hurtful.

I was in such a state a few days ago that I got home and sat on the floor by the door, unable to even put my shopping away. I called and was told off for shouting - I wasn’t. Later I tried again and was unable to speak at all, and the staff member, instead of encouragement or even checking I was there, just hung up. I called back later and asked if they had hung up and they said yes, they had heard shouting so hung up. I did not shout.

I called recently and was distressed. I called again to try to talk this through when a little calmer and the person snapped very aggressively that they were going to report me. I hung up in absolute shock.. I became paranoid they would call the police and left my home in the middle of the night in November to sit on the street, crying. I had to call the Samaritans.

I feel my difficulties have been minimised. I have stated I felt unsafe and had very intrusive thoughts of suicide and staff have said that I wasn’t going to do it and didn't really want to die.

Staff behaviour has made me find it very difficult to call this line as I feel I will be told off, hung up on, punished for being distressed. This is really hurtful when I am actually a human in distress and just need some patience.

I think they think that I am bothering them and being deliberately difficult. I am not a nuisance caller. I am desperate, suicidal, unwell and just trying to get some support.

I am left feeling that they have blacklisted me, and that I cannot call them. I feel I have no-one on my side or to turn to when I am feeling very distressed out of hours. This makes me feel even more desperate and suicidal.