"Post-natal stay in hospital"

When my son was born the placenta didn’t release straight away so a doctor was called to examine me. The doctor was very rough when doing it, especially considering what I’d just been through and just moaned at me to use the gas and air so that they could continue. When I did so it was still really painful and the doctor was very impatient and lacked any understanding of what I was going through. I was taken off to theatre to have the placenta removed and again, although I’d had a spinal, I could still feel how rough the procedure was. It felt like I was being punched in the stomach from the inside. The anaesthetist even told the doctor to be gentler for me because it wasn’t a problem with the anaesthetic. Later, I heard this doctor on the ward acting much the same with other patients, and seemed to be to be lacking any empathy for the horrible situations they were in, while so worried for their babies.

While in hospital I found the different advice and attitudes of the midwives and other auxiliaries very confusing at such a vulnerable time. Some staff were incredibly understanding, helpful and empathetic and some in particular were fantastic. However, after I was told to press the call button if breastfeeding was still incredibly sore, a midwife came and when I explained how sore it was she said, “But breastfeeding is sore, ” in a ‘what do you want me to do about it? ’ way.

After being told my whole life that breastfeeding is so important for the baby, none more so than through all the literature I was given in the last 9 months, I felt some of the staff were pushing me towards a bottle and/or formula. I felt I was being made to feel guilty for trying to persevere with breastfeeding, working through the pain, for trying to do what I’d been told was best for my baby. There were apparently normally 2 breastfeeding support people but I was informed they were both on holiday at the time.

In Raigmore, fathers have to leave at 9pm and can only come back at 11am – that’s a 14 hour period where new mums have to cope on their own, without their emotional and practical support! I found it unbearable. At one point on the 3rd night I was sitting double expressing because my baby couldn’t feed properly, but he was crying. I couldn’t hold the pump on and settle my baby at the same time so I called a member of staff. She came and settled that baby for a while but then said she had to go because she had things to do. This left me with a screaming baby. I couldn’t stop expressing because he was hungry and needed the milk, but I couldn’t leave him because he was so upset – plus it was the middle of the night on the 6 bed ward and was waking everyone else up.

I was also having problems with pelvic floor muscles so my husband had to bring me more pyjamas. They let him in early in the morning for 2 mins to give me them but then he had to leave us. Knowing the support I needed was just a few metres away, willing, able and desperate to help with our new born baby, yet not allowed to stay was so frustrating and devastating. I asked the staff about him staying to help but they said there wasn’t enough space. I don’t understand this, we weren’t asking for a private room with a double bed, just for him to be allowed to stay with us in the cubicle and sit in the chair.

I think people at Raigmore will use the excuse that there isn’t enough space, that change can’t happen until they get a new hospital built (which won’t happen for a very long time) and that saves them looking at ways to improve things. In my eyes the only thing that needed changing to improve our situation immensely was to allow my husband through the door to help us.

I had seen a perinatal nurse during pregnancy because there is a history of post-natal depression in my family. I was very aware of the baby blues days 3/4/5 period approaching and was trying to stay upbeat but this was very difficult overnight. I felt that the 14 hours alone every night was a recipe for triggering depression even if you weren’t predisposed. I was lucky that I haven’t suffered from PND but if I’d stayed any longer it may have been another matter.

We had been told on day 3 that we could go home if our son had done a poo, we could show we could feed him with a cup and if we committed to feeding every 3 hours. All these things were met and my community midwife was amazing and came and spoke to the staff to make sure I could go home. It wasn’t until about 9pm that a paediatrician came and told us we couldn’t go home and would have to give him formula in a bottle. I was terrified of having another night in hospital. We were lucky that there was a great nursery nurse who helped us come up with a plan overnight and she asked the other staff to give me more support than previously. She stayed late and even came in early the next morning to see how we’d gotten on. We’re really grateful for her patience and understanding. There was another nursery nurse who was also a great help.

I have been so happy since I got home but I feel we lost that first few important days to bond as a family. It maybe couldn’t be helped that I missed my ‘golden 1st hour’ with my son because I had to go to theatre, but don’t think we needed to have missed the first few days as a family. I feel our life only really started when I got home.