"EMDR for cPTSD"

I went into EMDR with mixed feelings. Previous therapies have had varying results. I had some trepidation about what the process might involve. Something about lights? What if it makes my symptoms worse? Overall, it was an incredibly positive and rewarding experience. Due, in no small part, to my therapist. She provided a safe space, she was patient, attentive, with a naturally warm and comforting demeanour. Which might seem like essential traits in a therapist, but are sadly absent sometimes. 

I did wait over two years for therapy to start. Typical NHS wait time I was told. 

Travelling to and from appointments, the waiting to be seen, and making and keeping appointments was often challenging due to my fluctuating health. Indeed, those early weeks, with the combination of increased exertion and spikes in anxiety, caused a flare up of symptoms, often leaving me fatigued and in a lot of pain - making it even harder to make and keep appointments. There were occasions where clerical/human error meant my appointments had been overlooked/missed so I would be asked to rearrange or wait in reception an excessively long time (one time waiting for nearly an hour before being asked to come back another time).

Looking back, I'm tempted to diminish the impact this had - after all, these things happen and months on I am happier and healthier. But, at the time sitting for prolonged periods caused immense pain and discomfort not to mention the stress and anxiety of being in a waiting room preparing to talk about trauma. I was starting to feel frustrated and disheartened with the service. My own attendance was monitored, with a warning issued about how many times I may cancel before being discharged. Whilst I do understand the reason, and need, for such a rule in a service that is already so overstretched, I think some discretion ought to be allowed particularly when dealing with patients who have co-morbidities.

I also think some thought as to comfort of patients whilst waiting in reception areas, and more ways to reduce anxiety in the service would be beneficial. I do appreciate the use of text reminders for appointments - excellent for people with permanent brain fog!

I did have some negative experiences, but these did not ultimately impede my progress. I was very fortunate that my therapist was extremely understanding and worked hard to accommodate me. This therapy very probably saved my life. The result has not just been an improvement to my mental health. But my physical health too. I went from being in crisis, struggling to work, struggling to function, in constant pain and seeing no hope for change, to being employed full time, often sleeping without nightmares and feeling like things can continue to get better.

As a patient, you have to put in a lot of hard work, but the staff, in particular my therapist, deserve recognition for their commitment and compassion. Without my therapist's support I would have crashed out of the service a long time ago. I'd likely be back at the bottom of a long wait list and I would not have achieved what I have now.