"Thank you, for keeping my butterfly alive"

I never expected to ever need any help in my life, until I lost my dad at 27 years old. 11 month’s later grief hit and I was drowning. A lifelong Anxiety sufferer who thought she had it under control, did in fact not. Grief, Anxiety and wishing my life to end were a new level I couldn’t control.

My Dr referred me to Occupational Therapy, and even though I was very skeptical, I went. Siobhan made me feel very comfortable from that very first appointment. I didn’t feel any judgement that I expected to feel. I wasn’t made to feel ashamed of how I felt and that was the very first time in my life that I was open of how bad things had gotten.

Over the last few months we worked to gain helpful alternatives to my negative actions. After a self-harm relapse I couldn’t go a day without, but as of today I am 95 Days free of self-harm. I now keep a daily diary with absolutely everything(!) including a butterfly that represents those days I’m free of self-harming. My entire life has been ruled with Anxiety right down to not stepping foot anywhere alone, now I can go out for coffee alone, the Supermarkets alone and even more so, after 10 years of driving I can finally drive more than just local roads, I can use drive-thru’s and I’m honestly excited to see what-else I can do when I face my anxiety, even when it terrifies me.

Negative thinking? I still have to work on this as I’m not very good at it. But sometimes you just have to pause, take a moment, and you’ll get the hang of it.

I worked hard, but I could never have achieved any sort of progress without help. I understand a-lot about myself, more than I think I really ever have. I see Christmas, a future I couldn’t see a few months ago.

The first few days after I was signed off kind of felt like the end of the world and its been hard. Guessing somehow my appointments definitely kept me in check because I understand how important getting help to people that need it is. How I’m feeling currently isn’t forever, it’s just new and thats always scary.

This next chapter is terrifying, but I know the service is in place if I need it in the future, alongside all helplines provided. I still have a long road to turning everything around, but with everything I've learned with my sessions and the progress I have made I know I'll be okay and from here it’s onto grief counselling because asking for help wasn’t a bad idea in the first place.

Thank you Siobhan, for keeping my butterfly alive and giving me another chance at life.