"A very bad pregnancy & worse birth."

I had a very traumatic birth, leaving me feeling useless, numb & regretful. 

I was very sick for the whole 9 months, there wasn’t a single day where I didn’t throw up numerous times. Every time I had something to eat, I was sick, I even threw up when I drank water. I visited the CAH (hospital) on numerous occasions when I felt very unwell & I always felt like I was being dismissed.

On one occasion in particular, I hadn’t felt my baby move in over 24 hours - and he was usually very active, even when I was physically being sick he seemed to always be kicking… the midwives were quite dismissive and told me there were ketones in my urine but not extreme amounts & how did I expect my baby to move around when he wasn’t getting any energy if I wasn’t eating.

This is despite me telling them I struggled to keep food down. On another occasion I went over to CAH & my mum came with me (my partner was working), the midwives told my mum she wasn’t allowed in to the room (as I was already distressed this of course upset me), sure enough they told me I was extremely dehydrated & admitted me to the ward and put me on a drip. I felt as though I wasn’t doing good enough even though I was so sick. 

Fast forward to my due date, I was still extremely sick, at this stage I was getting zero sleep as I would’ve actually woke up & have to run to the bathroom and spent my night being sick sitting on the bathroom floor. I ended up going one week over my due date where I was was told via phone call to arrive at the hospital on an Tuesday morning at 9am, to bring my bags, I would be admitted to the ward & induced.

Tuesday came & I was induced by the foleys balloon in Daisy Hill Hospital as CAH was over packed. I found the foleys balloon very painful, I returned home (Daisy Hill- Lurgan). Later that evening I called the Daisy Hill as I suspected my waters may have broke so I had to go back to Daisy hill. When I arrived back they told me I was 3cm, I was on the ward & brought down to the delivery suite when I hit 4cm at 6am.

In the delivery suite the midwife broke my waters (this confused me as I was previously told my waters had already broken?) I was in a lot of pain but I managed it, I had gas & air & later had an epidural. It was a long labour but later again that evening when I was fully dialated I was pushing for 2 hours or so and making little progress so I was brought to theatre, and was given a spinal.

This was the area that caused me a lot of panic. I received the spinal, I was extremely exhausted, this was now around Wednesday midnight into Thursday (I was induced 9am Tuesday morning), I had not eaten since Tuesday evening, I had been throwing up all through labour (which was the norm for me now after the previous 9 months) & I felt very very weak.

Once I got the spinal I was laid down & I could feel myself going numb, but the panic came when I started to feel this extreme tightness & heaviness in my chest, I felt very short of breath & I told the midwife I was struggling to breathe, she told the anaesthetist who dismissed her & she was talking to me, I then lost the ability to speak, & my breathing felt very very shallow, an oxygen mask was placed on my face & my vision went blurry.

I woke up and my baby had been delivered. After a while I was brought back into the delivery suite to my fiancé. I was very dazed & I felt extreme loneliness, I felt that I had missed the birth of my baby boy.

Thursday afternoon came and went, we had visitors, I felt unwell but I suspected it was normal to feel this way. On Friday the midwife came round the ward & asked if everyone on my ward was planning on going home that day - I said yes along with the other 3 mummies, and she went through our discharge notes as a group. I fell asleep later & woke up excessively sweating, crying and in a panic, a different midwife said “did you just have a panic attack?” I was clueless.

Later, 3 doctors came around, pulled my curtain over & told me I needed a blood transfusion. I was very confused by this because it was now Friday & my baby had been born at half past midnight on Thursday. The midwife that had gone through my notes had said I had told her I was going home. I felt like I was being told off.

I received 2 bags of blood & was told my blood levels were still extremely low but was sent home with iron tablets. At home I felt very very weak, I didn’t even feel pain I just felt completely numb… when the midwives called out I couldn’t even speak without hysterically crying, I was then put in touch with my GP for medication & thankfully the perinatal team shortly after. 

My notes did not match up with the experience my partner & I had encountered- this is the part that concerns me the most. There was little to no communication at the time about what had happened & complete denial from doctors. I found out that I had an episiotomy & a 2 litre blood loss while I was at home after being discharged. My notes did not reflect my experience & my anaesthetist suggested I had fallen asleep during labour. I wholeheartedly believe this to be untrue, as does my partner.