"From Darkness to Light: How Recovery Gave Me Back My Life"

I never had a healthy relationship with alcohol. Growing up in the late ’70s and early ’80s, drinking was normal—even for kids at Christmas. When I was 11, my dad told me he was leaving my mum. He kept coming back, only to leave again, and I lived in constant fear of abandonment. That fear turned into anger and heartbreak.

By 14, I was sneaking spirits into school to numb the pain. No one suspected—I was confident and funny—but I was drinking to cope. My mum was also drinking to deal with her own heartbreak, which reinforced my behaviour. One day, I drank too much at school and passed out. I was taken to hospital. At the time, I was angry at my friend for telling a teacher, but later realised they may have saved my life.

At 16, I started going to pubs, drinking heavily to escape. I didn’t realise I was masking trauma—including a sexual assault at that left me pregnant. I kept the truth from my parents, and they supported me through a termination. Years later, I told them what really happened.

That trauma deepened my pain. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and began self-harming. I’ve attempted to take my own life more times than I can count.

At 19, I moved in with my partner. Alcohol was part of our daily life. After six years, she cheated and became pregnant. I supported her through the pregnancy and fell in love with our child—my son. Despite the heartbreak, becoming a mum was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

During her pregnancy, we stopped drinking completely. But once the baby was born, we started again. Arguments often involved alcohol, and I kept bringing up the past. Eventually, I ended the relationship, terrified of losing my child but knowing it was the right thing to do.

When they moved out, the pain of not always having my child around was overwhelming. I drank more to cope. Weekends with my child brought some stability, but I still relied on wine when he wasn’t with me.

Then COVID hit. I was off work due to chronic pain, and my wife and I were home all day. Daytime drinking crept in. I drank more than her, fuelled by grief over losing a job I loved and constant pain. I was drinking up to three bottles of wine a day, sometimes four.

My days revolved around drinking. I’d wake up thinking about when and how I’d get my next drink. I tried alcohol-free days, but withdrawals—shaking, anxiety, dry heaving—would follow. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore. Drinking felt like medicine just to function.

This went on for three years. I avoided family plans so I could drink freely. Eventually, I reached out to CGL. The first time, I wasn’t ready. Six months later, I called again and was assessed the next day. Joyce, my worker, was incredible—firm but kind—and helped me access a residential detox at Park House.

It was fully funded by CGL, which made me even more determined not to waste the opportunity. Just before my detox admission, my granddad passed away. I was heartbroken and didn’t want to miss his funeral, so Joyce helped me postpone. When the new date came, I was scared but knew I couldn’t delay any longer.

My dad took me to Park House, and I was terrified walking in. But the staff were kind, and the residents welcomed me warmly. I quickly felt like I was in the right place.

Detox wasn’t easy, but the support was incredible. Day three, I woke up with a clear head for the first time in years. I felt hopeful. I also found strength in helping others—some even mistook me for staff because I was so comfortable supporting new residents.

Leaving was emotional. I’d grown attached to the people and the routine. But I was excited to go home to my wife and rebuild our life. My dad picked me up, beaming with pride. I felt like the best daughter in the world.

Back home, I was full of energy and ideas—decorating, sorting the garage, catching up on everything I’d neglected while drinking. Even though I was often in pain, the excitement of what I could now achieve kept me going.

After detox, Mark and François from CGL encouraged me to try recovery meetings. I found NA worked best for me and now attend every Sunday. I’ve met amazing people and recently received my 90-day keyring—something I’m really proud of.

Before discharge from CGL I told Joyce, 24 hours in a day just isn’t enough, as I listed everything I was doing. She smiled, knowing I’d be okay. Joyce stayed in touch, checking in even after I left. Her support meant the world—she didn’t just guide me, she felt like a friend.

My family has seen a huge change. They no longer expect cancellations—I show up for them now. At a recent Pride event, my sister turned to her husband and said, “Meet my sister,” as if he was meeting the real me for the first time. We cried happy tears, knowing I was truly back.

Sobriety gave me the clarity to face the trauma I’d buried. I’m finally working through it with a clear head and the right support.

To anyone reading this: take the help. Whether it’s detox, groups, or meetings—say yes. You’ll not only get sober, you’ll rediscover yourself. Detox is tough, but it’s worth it. You’re not trapped and can leave anytime—you’re supported. Meetings like NA or AA are crucial and help you stay on track. If you ever think about drinking again, ask yourself: is it worth risking everything? For me, the answer is no.

Thank you to everyone at CGL North and Park House. You didn’t just help me get sober—you helped save my life.