"Booking a health check"

ACT I

askmyGP :  What do you require?

Me: an appointment.

askmyGP: What for?

ME: I would like an over 65's health check.

askmyGP:  What is the problem?

ME:  I would like my blood pressure checked, blood samples check for cholesterol and so on.

askmyGP:  Sorry, we don't do Health Checks.  You will have to arrange one directly with your medical centre.

ACT II

As a volunteer at Weston General I am entitled to a Health Check. 

Health Check booked.

After blood pressure, physical measurements taken, and so on.

Nurse: O.K.  Well, we don't take bloods any more with this Health Check to you will need to book an appointment at your Medical Centre to have bloods taken to check for diabetes, cholesterol, etc. Make sure that you give the practitioner this information sheet with all your measurements on.

Me:  Fine (Takes information.), thank you.

ACT III

Phoning Highbridge Medical Centre.

Me:  (After waiting, having started at 6th in line.)  Oh, hello.  I'd like to book an over 65's Health Check please.

Receptionist:  I'm sorry we don't do these here.  You'll have to book one through your local Pharmacy.

Me:  Ah, well, I have just had a Health Check as a volunteer at WGH and the nurse told me I need to book to see a practitioner.\

Receptionist:   No, sorry, you'll have to book a health check through your local pharmacy.

Me:  Oh.  So, do they take bloods then?

Receptionist:  Oh, no.  We do that here.

Me:  Right, so can I book a blood test then?

Receptionist: Ah, no.  You'll have to do that through askmyGP!

Me:  AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!

CURTAINS.