"A high functioning alcoholic business woman and mother"

It all started in lockdown, being high risk I was locked down for 8 months. Drinking started at 11am, it was great, locked up with my husband and two children, arts and crafts, baking, playing games and a huge pool to sit in all day. After lockdown, a huge move to a new area, drinking continued but only 4 cans of Stella a day. Then came huge heartache in various forms. Eviction, death, schooling problems, housing problems, falls, and accidents. Amongst all this a new business and a new start and home. The drinking crept up to about 10 plus pints a day along with more accidents drink related. Trauma caused to my two children. In comes obviously Social services. A random request for hair strand tests due to someone one else not me came back badly for me. It was to the point where I couldn’t just stop, I had to cut down first or my body would not react in a good way and was equally as damaging as the drinking.

All the time I’m telling myself, I’m not an alcoholic, this isn’t fair, the test wasn’t even meant for me yet I’m the one who’s failed. I need to drink, I’m a social butterfly it’s what makes my business work and successful. If I were a drunk, I wouldn’t have all this and be doing so well now again after what we’ve been through. One of my children hated me and told me every day. Would never come to me and fight constantly with me. Choosing their father over me all the time. It broke my heart but I just thought how disrespectful they were and I’d failed in bringing them up right. Dad was too lenient and they got away with everything and this was why they had no respect.

So in came with the Social services CP plan someone who is an intensive support worker for Inclusion I shall refer to her as Miss X. She was so lovely I couldn’t help but like her and the child who hated me loved her - this hurt too. Our sessions started in Jan 2025 I think (I was a drunk remember so not clear of dates)

She would come and meet me once a week. She went through lots of strategies and tried to teach me distractions etc etc. I also had to cut down to 5 pints a day. Some days I did that, and then I’d think great I’ve done it so rewarded myself by going over the next day! I was all over the place, I was not kidding Miss X only myself and my family. My husband nearly left me more than once and I pushed him to points that anyone else would have left me. I was an absolute disgrace and only fooling myself with my denial of having a problem.

Two months later I stopped the shots at the weekends. I was trying and failing to get grief counselling, Miss X tried too but even to this date I’ve still been failed here. However I started taking things a bit more seriously as I was getting it from my eldest who was by now calling me an alcoholic at every opportunity. Things were going well with the plan with the exception of my drinking as I was still drinking but I had actually started to cut down and it was finally starting to sink in that I needed to do this.

Admittedly I was thinking -  get them out of our lives and it will be fine as I’m not an alcoholic. Miss X told me to keep track on my drink aware app my units and I was to start reducing further. This panicked me and on days where I wasn’t sticking to my plan (most days) I didn’t enter on it. I was still in denial and still thinking I was fooling everyone! It got to the point where one visit Miss X told me that she had to start coming once a fortnight, she also said that I wasn’t as far along as I should be. I needed to think about going into rehab. Ok I thought so asked some questions. How long for? 3 months. 3 months!! Who would keep my business going? Naw that was impossible for three months. Next question. Could my husband and kids come to visit?’ No. No -absolutely not an option. My husband is my world and so are my kids. No way could I go three months without seeing them and my youngest would no way stand for that. It would ruin them emotionally and more than my drinking.

So I think this is where a switch in my head switched on. It finally hit me how serious this was. I looked into AA meetings, I bought a book Miss X recommend to me weeks ago saying a lot of feed back from others in my situation had found really helpful. By now this was August 2025 and I was also told that Miss X would be leaving me as the budget had run out as we’d been taken off the CP plan and reduced to children in need and it was our choice how much involvement we could now have. We chose to keep it as it was helping us all.

At Miss X’s last appointment, I was mortified. I didn’t feel ready and I’d only just realised that I did have a problem. I’d cut down enough to stop. Miss X visited me on the morning and unlike our usual meetings I didn’t pour myself a drink after. I abstained all day from drinking. I had one craving and took myself away to read my book.

I’m now 38 days drink free and I don’t miss it at all. I’m reading lots of books and educating myself on the evil that surrounds us everyday. My love affair with booze is over and it is now my Ex.