"I feel hurt and disappointed at how I’ve been treated"

After mesh removal surgery in Nov 2024 - where I experienced wonderful care from the nursing team in Ward 49 QEUH -  I had been discharged by Specialist Physiotherapist Seonaid, with whom I had an excellent relationship and had received helpful guidance and support during my recovery.

In July I received my first contact with the consultant who jointly performed my surgery. My telephone appointment time was changed the day before and, when called by the consultant,  another patient’s name was used to address me. All understandable and soon corrected by the consultant. It was decided after discussion I would be given another appointment to discuss further treatment for stress incontinence that continued to plague me despite consistent Pelvic Floor Exercises, unsuccessful use of devices, changes of medication ( of which no one had ever explained the purpose until I sought it on this call).

I received an appointment to see a consultant at their clinic. They had done ward rounds on both days after my operation and is always approachable and friendly. I looked forward to seeing them again to praise them for how hard I saw them working on ward 49. I attended my mesh clinic appointment, however it was another consultant whose clinic I found out I was attending. A nurse called my name, didn’t introduce theirself or ask me how I wished to be addressed and beckoned me to scales. I was weighed and my height taken and my BMI calculated. I’m yet to know why this was done. 

On entering the room, I expected the doctor to say something along the lines of  How are you?  or I see you’ve completed the programme with physiotherapy, you’ve done well. I see you have a strong pelvic floor, or  How are you getting on with your medication?

Unfortunately I was asked - Why are you here? I said I had received a letter to attend an appointment. Having trouble with you waterworks? the consultant asked. (Only since I was in my 30s, I’m now in my 60s!)

I won’t go into the shock I felt and how my feet were pulled from under me with this initial line of enquiry. The doctor then proceeded to list the percentage success of each non-invasive and invasive procedure for SUI (not omitting any gory surgical details). So let me be clear, I was not aware of the different procedures and I understand that surgical intervention is probably not the answer, but there was no subtlety in their attempt to put me off. I am not a stupid person. I could have had a caring, compassionate and understanding response but the direct, formal and hurtful approach which finished with take this literature and read it took my breath away. I thought I might receive a kind word from the attending nurse but their only words were turn left. 

I found myself in tears. I have had positive experiences my whole life with the medical profession and the NHS until the issues with the mesh (which was coming through the vaginal wall). Many of my family work as doctors or nurses. The icing on the cake came with a letter saying that after discussion I would be self-managing my condition but remain on the books for another year. 

I feel hurt and disappointed at how I’ve been treated, not because of what I was or wasn’t offered but how I was treated, particularly when both members of the team could see I was visibly upset. My advice to others would always be to have someone to accompany you to appointments as support and/ or a witness, neither of which I had. 

Special thanks to Seonaid, specialist physiotherapist; Lisa, colorectal surgeon, who calmed me in a warm and professional manner before jointly performing my surgery and the fantastic team on Ward 49. 

I hate to be critical but I hope someone else can benefit if changes are made.