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"Abuse as a child and after effects as an adult"

About: Community Services - (OPMH) / Older people's mental health East

(as a service user),

Abused mentally, physically and sexually as a 10-year-old until 15-year-old by a teacher. I was also repeatedly told I was useless, I was always interested in music and dreamed of playing the guitar and other instruments. I was stopped doing this at school by the same teacher. This made me feel ashamed, inadequate and frightened. Caused me to miss a lot of school and opportunities. I never told anyone, including my parents. I Became very bitter and frustrated.

When I left school at fifteen, I started drinking heavily and smoking from a very early age. I also became very guarded and aggressive as a means forgetting and dealing with the trauma. I got married to a very good person, she stood by me for many years. Even through my heavy, near alcoholic years. My wife endured all the very bad times, which made her very unhappy. But she knew deepdown there was a reason for my behaviour,and asked me constantly why I was so unhappy.

We had two wonderful daughters. Because of shame, thinking people would not believe me, and unfounded paranoia I was a bad man husband and Father. I kept this trauma to myself for over 50 years at the cost to my mental health untill finally after a couple of breakdowns and years of depression, I had a third breakdown and told my wife about my past. No one apart from me knew the truth.

I was encouraged by my wife and family to seek help. It's the best thing I ever did. I first contacted Drisacs device who offered me the help to deal with the abuse. They did a fantastic job of helping me understand I was not to blame, or should not be ashamed of what happened to me. I then moved on through the help of the district mental health service to seek further help. After opening up about my past memories began flooding back, and I started displaying symptoms of PTSD .I had nightmares of the abuse, illucinations, and believed I had let my family down, I had believes that my children had a bad childhood and I was a bad person and a failure. I was a very unhappy angry person who could not see a future.

All I wanted as a man in his 70s as to be happy, with my family's trust in me. Thankfully through talking and therapy I now know I can achieve this. I have a wonderful marriage two happy successful daughters and son in-laws and four amazing grandchildren who I adore. Without the help of my family and the mental health service, my amazing therapist and nurse I can now say I'm a truly happy man.

And as a footnote I've even found the courage to learn to play the guitar,and belong and perform to the public. Opening up and seeking help is the best thing I have ever done. I would recommend this course of action to all who suffer.

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Responses

Response from Kerry Sheldon, Consultant clinical psychologist, Older People's Mental Health Service (Psychology), Rotherham Doncaster and South Humber NHS Trust 5 days ago
Kerry Sheldon
Consultant clinical psychologist, Older People's Mental Health Service (Psychology),
Rotherham Doncaster and South Humber NHS Trust

Delivery of Psychological assessment, formulation and treatment

Submitted on 09/10/2025 at 17:40
Published on Care Opinion on 10/10/2025 at 08:26


picture of Kerry Sheldon

Thank you for taking the time to leave your thoughtful feedback and reflections. My name is Kerry and I am the lead for the older adult psychology team and also for the wider psychological services. I am thrilled to hear that you found the support of your therapist, nurse and wider older adult mental health services beneficial and supportive. I am also thrilled you have embraced learning to play the guitar and share that talent publicly. I will ensure that your feedback is shared with the individual colleagues and wider team. I wish you and your family the very best for the future. Best wishes, Kerry.

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