"Me and my mind"

I have always struggled with explaining how I feel. Whether that is to my friends and family, or those in positions to help. When I first noticed I was struggling with, what I would describe as ‘a black cloud’, I shut myself away from those around me and lost interest in being me. I thought it was better to suffer my thoughts alone, instead of disappointing the people around me by ‘not being okay’. 

A friend recognised the self sabotage I was doing and recommended I seek help through the NHS. At first, I was determined I didn’t need help, this ‘black cloud’ would pass - it has before? That’s until it became relentless. Stress, worry and the overwhelming overthinking stood in the way of living a somewhat ‘normal’ life. I had convinced myself no one liked me, I was a burden to those around me and that every bad thing was my fault. I became the colleague that always looked sad, 

the distant friend, the daughter that locked herself in her room and the sister that didn’t want to play anymore. The realisation hit that the ‘cloud’ had took over and I needed help. That’s when I made the leap into Talking Therapies. 

The first session, the hardest one, allowed me to freely talk about what was happening in my head. There was no judgment, no negativity and certainly no disrespect when emptying my brain to the trained individual before me. We explored my thoughts, my relationships around me and my childhood. Once my feelings were out in the open, I was advised of what would best suit my needs and placed on the waiting list for a professional. 

My turn quickly came around and I met Carol. I cannot describe how incredibly supportive, kind and understanding she was. Our dedicated sessions each week fully unpacked my deepest thoughts, with the reminder that it’s normal to have these feelings. I quickly settled into the routine and allowed Carol to become part of my struggles. She was patient when the topics I discussed upset me, never interjected if unnecessary and ensured I was comfortable throughout the sessions. 

Carol presented dedicated work that really empowered me and began to show me why I felt the way I did. It gave confidence to the voice inside me and showed me that I’m not some strange being that can’t explain how they feel, I’m human and these things are real. Each session helped to unpack a new feeling and the techniques Carol taught me lowered my anxiety in relation to my feelings. 

One session that was exceptionally useful, was diving into the world of mindfulness and being present. The NOW technique has limited the worry of panicking and overthinking, and has helped clear my mind. I now know how to deal with that cloud every time it comes back. 

Without Carol’s consistent support, reflection and incredibly kind nature, I know I’d be shutting myself off from the world still. I cannot express my gratitude to her enough. 

Carol thank you ❤️