"Miscarriage and unfair waiting rooms"

In February this year, I suffered a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. In the 4-5 week long process of finding out, being diagnosed with an incomplete miscarriage and being discharged the midwives in South West Acute Hospital (SWAH) were amazing. They offered great support, were empathetic and made us feel a lot better throughout the whole process. Specifically a student midwife called Lauren/Laura she really made one of the worst days of my life a little bit better. The morning we found out our baby had no heartbeat she was really comforting, the smallest gesture of a hug, a tissues and fetching us a cup of tea/coffee made such a difference. She walked us through the hospital and out to the front door. I still think of her to this day- I hope she knows how thankful we are.

The week after we were due in the following Sunday to receive the first round of the medical management tablets. However the night before my body had started heavily miscarrying with the help of the tablets designed to soften the cervix. I had called the hospital to let them know and we were told to still come up to the hospital for 11am but had to wait in the maternity ward upstairs due to it being out of hours.

Initially I assumed we would be out of the way, in a private area. We were walked through the maternity ward and sat in the waiting room. Unbeknownst to us, we would be sat there waiting for the next 6 hours. The miscarriage experience is already devastating and heart-breaking but to be sat watching and listening to families carrying in balloons visiting new babies, hearing those new babies cry and be surrounded by that was gut wrenching. Hearing a newborn baby’s cry knowing I’m actively passing mine in the hallway outside is an experience I don’t wish on any mother and partner going through that.

After ourselves and two other couples in the same situation were waiting a while, a lovely midwife had stopped to check in with us and told us she had let the doctors know that 3 couples were waiting. She also expressed how unfair it was for us to wait in the maternity ward and that changes should be made. Over the next hours the 2 other couples had been called by their names and had been seen to and left, on two separate occasions we had asked how much longer the wait was. One health assistant said the doctors were in an emergency and it could be 30mins. More hours had gone by, my partner asked another midwife who had no interest in helping saying she didn’t work with that section. By this point 4-5 hours had gone by, we were scared to leave to get a drink/go for a walk in case we were called.

After 6 hours, a doctor sauntered out to the waiting room and asked who’s the people that’s been waiting from 11 o’clock. Not my name, not a polite call.

I just want start by saying, throughout the whole process of waiting we talked about how busy and understaffed hospitals can be, we didn’t expect to be seen straight away as of course there can be loads of emergencies throughout the hospital that require immediate attention.

After walking into the room, the Doctor expressed their apologies for the wait and said it had been purely down to multiple emergencies, they overlooks gynae in A&E, works on labour and delivery etc. We said we understood that, we were just relieved to be getting seen. A few minutes later another Doctor, came in and again expressed their apologies for the delay but openly admitted the wait was due to forgetting us and thinking that they had saw all the couples.

We appreciated their transparency but thought that one look out the door into the waiting room would have confirmed that for them or not. For a couple that were emotionally and physically exhausted it was a bit of a punch in the gut.

We have both said the wait on the maternity ward was just as hard as finding out our baby had no heartbeat, I don’t think any women and partner should have to sit there at all- let alone 6 hours. Whilst I don’t think this writing will change the horrible decision to make miscarrying mothers wait in maternity; I hope it’s a foot in the door to opening the discussion for it in future.